


Love of a Stranger

by Romancefantasy



Series: Stranger [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Animated Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Interspecies Romance, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romancefantasy/pseuds/Romancefantasy
Summary: I think every Star Trek fanfiction writer will eventually write an origin story for Sarek and Amanda Grayson. Here's one of them.When strangers meet and marry, mayhem is sure to ensue right?
Relationships: Amanda Grayson & Spock, Amanda Grayson/Sarek, Sarek & Spock
Series: Stranger [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860829
Comments: 34
Kudos: 82





	1. Checks and balances

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in a universe outside of my Bound and Beyond series timeline. First of all, it is based on memories Sarek and Amanda share of their first meeting and pon farr, memories which Spock obtained when he mind-melded with Captain Picard in the Prime timeline. So it seems to be set in a timeline where Spock and Uhura never married nor had a romance. And in Bound to You, Amanda says she and Sarek were a couple and had a courtship before her first pon farr and she had been prepared for it. So this is a totally separate stand-alone story.

-=-=-=-=-

Children could be cruel, especially Vulcan children. They often taunted Spock with epitaphs against his mother. They called Lady Amanda a human whore in order to elicit an emotional response from Spock. But Spock's mother was not a whore and in his childish impulsiveness, he often defended her honor with violent retaliation.

Spock knew his mother to be the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate person he had ever known. That she had the misfortune to marry the cold and logical Sarek of Vulcan was not her fault. It was her kind and gentle nature that got her into trouble. Literally.

Spock had asked his father many times why he married his emotional human bride and the answer had always been that Sarek thought it logical at the time. His mother's answer to the same question had been quite unexpected.

Spock had always anticipated a sentimental human response. Surely his mother would say because she loved Sarek. But his mother's answer had actually been similar to Sarek's. She said she had married Sarek because it was the right thing to do at the time. His parents always confused him with their contradictory responses and expectations.

Spock could not comprehend his mother's reasons. Why was marrying his father the right thing? It implied not marrying Sarek would have been wrong. Spock was determined to discover his parent's origin story. But he had spent his entire life never knowing the truth.

Not until he had met Captain Picard of the current Enterprise. Picard had melded with Sarek before his death and he had offered to share that experience with Spock. Spock could not deny himself this one last chance to understand his father's mind because while Sarek lived they had never bonded in such a way. And what he learned astonished him.

Sarek had shared his entire life's memories with Picard. The mental power it took to contain all that was Sarek had nearly overcome the captain but he had survived it and managed to assist Sarek on his final mission. And in return, quite unbeknownst to Picard, Sarek had given him a small gift of Vulcan knowledge. A tiny bit of Sarek had been left behind in Picard's mind. But with both the captain and Sarek being stubborn men Spock suspected the captain would be none the wiser of Sarek's presence.

"Thank you, Captain." Spock had said as he released Picard from the meld. "You have given me a great gift."

"It was an honor to assist Sarek and it is an honor to grant you this final contact with him."

"Your service honors us," Spock said to the captain. "Live long and prosper"

"Peace and long life," Picard bade him before he left to return to his ship.

Spock was left on Romulus and he returned to the accommodations arranged for him in the underground. Late at night when he was secluded with and deep in meditation he recalled the memories Picard had been generous enough to share with him from his mind.

Quite a bit of Sarek's memories had remained in Picard's brain and intertwined with them were those of Amanda. It seemed Sarek had captured a great deal of Amanda's human katra before she departed the living realm. Perhaps one day before he died Spock would carefully dissect all of his father's thoughts and more significantly his emotions. But tonight Spock chose one memory in particular to examine.

Normally it would be an unusual choice for a child to ponder, how his parents bonded. However, Spock could see this was no ordinary memory. Sarek had not married Amanda in the traditional way. Of course, Spock knew his mother was human and therefore was not bonded to Sarek in childhood. But they had also not been joined on Vulcan nor on Earth. They had not shared a traditional courtship by either Earth nor Vulcan standards.

Sarek had been alone. His wife had left him many years ago to pursue Kolinahr. His son had abandoned logic and fled Vulcan for parts unknown. Sarek had never remarried nor had he sought the company of females except for professional reasons. But soon his Time would be approaching and he had yet to secure a bondmate or an alternative solution. Sarek didn't like to face the reality of his family life which was in shambles, a state no Vulcan could tolerate. So he put all of his efforts into his work as ambassador. Sarek had been determined never to subject himself to the vagaries of a Vulcan wife ever again.

And yet the Time threatened. So Skon and T'Pau had informed their wayward son that they had taken it upon themselves to procure him a new bondmate. The lady in question was the eldest daughter of another prominent clan and she was a widow. She awaited Sarek's return to Vulcan whereupon his arrival they were to meet at the place of marriage, his family's traditional marriage grounds, and bond in matrimony. Sarek thought he would have time to thwart these plans made by his parents but the fever was upon him before he knew or understood how it had happened and he could wait no longer to find a woman to suit his needs on his own. Nature had taken all choice away from him, again.

Sarek did not even have enough time to book passage on a fast Vulcan ship. The only ship leaving Earth for Vulcan had been a commercial passenger vessel. His team had managed to procure the last cabin available in the steerage deck. Sarek had left in such hast that he left his diplomatic aides behind to attend to other pressing business matters. They would rendezvous with him on one of Vulcan's diplomatic ship once it arrived back on earth from another mission. If fortune held, Sarek would arrive on Vulcan before his fever was too far gone. But a cruel twist of fate caused the engines of the ship Sarek was traveling on to malfunction. He was at the whim of a starship whose engine had decided it couldn't travel above impulse power. He would not make it home in time.

"Ambassador, are you alright?" The very pert and opinionated teacher who was accompanying a group of students from the earth embassy on a trip to Vulcan asked him while he sat at his table in the ship's rec room. He was trying to sip from a cup of plomeek soup. His appetite had been greatly diminished these past few weeks and that should have been the first clue to his forthcoming condition. However, he had been distracted by negotiations for the federation with the Orians and he had pressed on with his work. Now here he was being questioned by an upstart human teacher.

"Yes," Sarek answered curtly and continued trying to force the soup down his throat.

"You don't look alright," Amanda Grayson said to him with concern in her voice.

"Miss Grayson, why did you ask if I was alright if you have already decided that I am not?"

That response took Amanda by surprise. On previous occasions where she had to speak to the ambassador, he was always very cordial if aloof.

"I suppose it is a human failing, to ask a question you already know the answer to. Rhetorical we call it."

Sarek harumphed in response.

"So... as to your state of health...?" Amanda left the question hanging in the air.

"Miss Grayson whether I am 'alright' or not is no concern of yours."

"On the contrary Ambassador, you are a huma- well you are a Vulcan being. You matter to me because you are a person. I cannot stand by and watch any living being suffer if I have the capacity to intervene."

"But do you have the capacity to intervene Miss Grayson?" Sarek asked and he looked up into her concerned blue eyes with intense dark eyes of his own.

Amanda was mesmerized by those eyes. Vulcan's were such handsome devils, she thought as he continued to stare at her. What did he mean 'did she have the capacity to intervene'?

"Ambassador, if you are ill, I could fetch the medical officer."

"I am not ill, at least not in a way that can be treated by the medical officer," Sarek informed her.

"Well, then it sounds like you are suffering from some kind of discomfort? Are you injured? Is there anything I can do to assist you?"

Sarek wanted to laugh. He could think of at least a half dozen licentious things she could do to assist him. All of which would be sure to shock her if she could read his mind.

"Miss Grayson, go away. I wish to be left alone."

"Mr. Ambassador. I have observed that males, no matter what the race or species have one particular trait in common," Amanda informed him.

Sarek knew he should not ask but something compelled him to do so anyway. "And what is that Miss Grayson?"

"All males behave like silly asses when ill... Sir." She added respectfully at the end.

Sarek couldn't believe his ears. He had not expected that reply and a bark of laughter escaped his lips before he could contain it. Realizing his lapse in control, he rose quickly from his seat and fled the rec room before any other incidents could occur.

Amanda stood and watch the ambassador make a hasty retreat. She didn't know what had come over her. She hadn't meant to antagonize the man, she had only meant to offer assistance for someone who looked like they could use it. The ambassador was uncharacteristically traveling alone. Usually, he had an entourage of other Vulcan aides and assistants who hovered around him waiting on his every beck and call.

Amanda knew this because she worked in the embassy building that housed not only the Vulcan diplomats but that of several other Federation allies. Whenever she saw Ambassador Sarek in the halls of the embassy he was always attended by at least one aide. But he was very much alone on this vessel and it was strange. Stranger still was his behavior, he was not himself. He was tense, and he was even more aloof and standoffish than usual and that was saying something.

But the real giveaway that something was terribly amiss with his behavior towards her students. He had been downright angry when one of the students had ventured too close to him and stubbled at his feet. The ambassador hefted the child up rather forcefully and set them aright but he then had very stern words for the child. Amanda had witnessed the interaction with dismay.

Ambassador or not he had no right to speak to a child like that and she told him so. He promptly seemed to take hold of himself and apologized but to Amanda, the damage had been done. Something was wrong with the ambassador. And just now he seemed to have another lapse in control, he laughed! Vulcan's did not laugh. What the hell was going on?

Back in his cabin, Sarek was beginning to feel the fever of the Plok tow take control. He stripped out of his clothing and lay on his bed. He was burning up but there was nothing he could do about it. He would either make it to Vulcan in time or he would not. He had already tried meditation to no avail, he could not reach his center and balance was not attainable, his concentration was wrecked. He could not even reach out telepathically to his awaiting bride for comfort. They had not been previously bonded and as a matter of fact, they were not even met with one another. He was traveling blindly into a marriage he would just as soon avoid. Perhaps death would be the lesser evil.

Sarek had already been betrayed by one wife and he did not particularly want another one. His experience with Sybok's mother, for he could not bring himself to speak her name ever again, had been a nightmare. They had been bonded to one another since childhood, but just like his future bride, they were practically strangers on the day of their bonding. Sarek supposed he should be grateful she even bothered to show up to the place of kun et kalifee and honor their bond. And to her credit, she had not challenged him at that time. She timidly accepted her lot in life and became his wife. Their bonding had been a rush of heated flesh coming together all in a jumble of fevered memories. And they had conceived a child. Sarek had no fondness for his wife but he tried to be a good husband and father.

Not good enough apparently because Sybok's mother had challenged him on his last Pon Farr. All the years that they had lived together and she had never mentioned a desire to become a priestess of Kolinahr, never mentioned her intentions of leaving him for Gol.

But on the day his mind called out to her for relief she had blocked him. He should have suspected then, but he was too far gone in fever to know what was to happen next. She had brought a fellow acolyte with her to champion her and secure her freedom. She had intended that Sarek would die that day at the hands of her champion. But Sarek was a descendent of Surak, a cunning and ferocious warrior in his own time and Sarek studied his teachings in philosophy as well as combat. Her champion had been no match for Sarek and he fell under Sarek's lirpa blade.

When it was all over Sarek realized he had taken a life. Because of his wife. He no longer wanted her, not for his Time. The fever had broken as soon as blood was spilled. And he did not want her as wife any longer either. Not one such as she who could be so treacherous as to betray the father of her child. Sarek had repudiated her and he had avoided women since. It was perhaps illogical but he did not want a woman. Not when he had blood on his hands because of one.

Of course, his actions had been in line with tradition. He was the victor and if he had wished it he could have still taken Sybok's mother and used her to slack his lust before he discarded her. But he found he had no appetite for sex at all after the combat. He was disgusted by the whole affair.

So he went back to his life, back to his regular diplomatic duties while a man lay in his grave. And he behaved as if nothing had changed, as if nothing had happened to him on the battlefield of the kun-et-kalifee. He had taken a life. But he could never acknowledge that life, it was not the Vulcan way.

The women of Vulcan were just as cruel and vicious as their ancestors, Sarek thought. They held the power of life and death in their hands and between their legs and they wielded that power with an iron will. If they chose to be benevolent they would bond with you, service you in your Time of need, perhaps give you children. Or they could turn on you like a hungry wolf in the fold.

These thoughts assaulted Sarek as he lay alone in his bunk tossing and turning with Plok Tow. He had no sense of time. He could have been in there for a day or a week or mere minutes. He had lost track of everything except the agony of the fire burning so deep within his body and mind.

He awoke sometime later to the feel of cool hands touching his heated flesh and the feel of a cool cloth bathing him.

"He's burning up," a familiar voice said. "Can't you do anything for him?"

"I am sorry Miss. He is a Vulcan." The medical officer said as if that explained it all.

"So? What does that have to do with anything?" Amanda demanded as she sponged Ambassador Sarek's fevered body. She had missed him at the evening meal and then he had not shown up for breakfast. That meant he had been holed up in his room for hours alone with God knew what happening to him.

Fearing the worst, she asked the medical officer to override Sarek's door code and check on him. What they found was horrifying. Sarek lay in his bed drenched in sweat, sick and delirious. The doctor gave a perfunctory exam while Amanda ransacked the lavatory in search of a basin with cool water to try bathing his body.

"Well, doctor? What is it? What are you going to do?" Amanda pleaded.

"There is nothing to be done, he is Vulcan."

"What are you talking about? So he is Vulcan! Are you some kind of xenophobe? I thought you doctors took an oath to do no harm?" Amanda all but cried.

The doctor stood to his full height as if mustering up his dignity.

"Madam, I resent your accusations. I can do nothing for this man. His affliction is... shall we say, hereditary. It is the nature of Vulcan biology. Neither you nor I have the power to intervene. He needs his own people."

"Okay then let's get him to Vulcan! Tell the captain we have a medical emergency," she demanded.

The Medical officer rolled his eyes. "Miss, we are on our way to Vulcan if you haven't been aware. He'll just have to survive until we arrive."

What the hell was this caviler attitude? A man was dying on his ship and this medical officer seemed to not give a damn.

"Why are you not even trying to help him? Can't you take him to your sickbay?" Amanda asked.

"There is nothing we can do even in the sickbay. His fever can only be broken by...well he needs his people, his wife. A Vulcan male in this state is a danger to others. It is best that he stay secluded in his cabin as he has been and left alone."

"Are you insane? I'm not leaving him in here alone. He could die."

"Then he will die, and it's best if you are not a party to it. He is dangerous."

"Look at him, does he look dangerous to you?" Amanda pointed at Sarek as he lay naked and helpless in his bed thrashing about in dreamland.

"Miss, I've seen what a Vulcan male in this condition is capable of and I tell you, I want no part of it and neither do you. If he regains awareness he will attack. Vulcans in this state have the strength of 10 human males. The amount of adrenaline and testosterone-like chemicals coursing through his body makes him a threat even against armed guards. The restraints on the biobeds in sickbay cannot hold him. He must be quarantined."

"Now come away from him. He could snap your neck with little effort. I'll have the captain quarantine this cabin until we reach Vulcan Prime."

The doctor turned to leave secure in the knowledge he had put the fear of Vulcan into the little busybody teacher.

"No!"

The doctor stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Amanda with incredulity.

"What?"

"I said no! I can't leave him here in his own sick like some animal. He needs help. What kind of man are you anyway? You're a damn doctor!"

"Yes, I am a doctor, not a magician. I cannot administer any drugs, they would not work; his metabolism would simply burn through them. We cannot suppress the fever. It is impossible. When he wakes he will attack in his pursuit of-" the doctor stopped himself from divulging all of the Ambassador's secrets. He did not want the Vulcan council on his ass. This little teacher was already working on his last nerve.

"Now come away from here and let the Ambassador have what is left of his dignity."

"Dignity?" Amanda asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I am certain Ambassador Sarek would not wish you to see him in such a state."

"Get out!" Amanda yelled at him. She turned back to Sarek and continued to sponge him.

"Miss Grayson! I will have to quarantine this cabin. No one will be allowed in or out until we reach Vulcan and his people can fetch him."

"You mean fetch his body, don't you? Get out of here. Your services are no longer needed, Doctor." Amand said the title derisively.

"You are out of your mind." The doctor protested. "You humans, you think you know everything, don't you? You think you know the cure for a rainy day? Well, let me tell you something Miss Grayson, when that man wakes up, if he wakes up, you'll be sorry you are locked in here with him. You have no idea what is happening and I cannot prepare you for it. I have warned you of the risk so may it be on your head."

The doctor went to a console and pulled up a file. "Miss Grayson, will you kindly sign this waiver," He said angrily as he stepped aside for her.

Amanda stalked over to the console and signed the waiver and put her thumbprint on it for good measure. "There," she said defiantly. "Now get out. Oh, wait. I'll need clean linens and some ice."

The doctor rolled his eyes but punched something else into the console.

"There," he said mimicking her. "It will arrive shortly. And that will be the last time these cabin doors will open until we reach Vulcan. Good luck Miss Grayson."

With that, he stalked out of the cabin.

Amanda turned back to her patient. He was her responsibility now.

Amanda sighed. What the hell had she just gotten herself into? Her mother always said her mouth would get her into trouble. Amanda had a sinking feeling that her mouth had just written a check her ass couldn't cash.


	2. Belly of the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate Pon Farr so of course, I skipped it. Maybe I'll come back to it in a flashback or something. But for now, Sarek is feeling regret for harming the kind stranger who saved his life.

-=-=-=-=-

Sarek slowly came back to consciousness and became aware of his surroundings. He was still in his cabin and in his bunk but he was not alone. Beside him lay the naked unconscious body of a female. What had he done now?!

He examined the woman for a moment before he recognized her. Amanda Grayson, the human school teacher he had met on Earth, she was accompanying a tour group of diplomatic students on a trip to Vulcan.

He tentatively touched her neck feeling for a pulse and observed her chest rise and fall. She lived.

Relief flooded him. He gently shook her but she did not stir. He shook her a little harder calling her name. "Miss Grayson!" he shouted in his panic. But she lay there as still as death.

Sarek jumped from the bed and rushed to the communications panel.

"This is ambassador Sarek of Vulcan. I require immediate medical assistance in my cabin!" he called.

"Communications to this cabin are disabled. Medical override required for quarantine condition red," the disembodied computer voice informed him.

Quarantined! Whose ideas was it to quarantine him in a locked cabin with a human female!? Sarek stalked to the cabin door and pounded on it.

"Hello! Help! I need medical assistance!" he called out hoping there was someone stationed outside of the door. "Please, the female needs medical assistance!" Sarek pleaded. But there was no answer, and with his keen hearing, he could not detect anyone on the other side of his cabin door. He tried to grip the seams in the door to pry it open. But soon he was exhausted and he had made no progress. He was wasting his time.

The doctor was as good as his word. The cabin was quarantined and the doors were programmed not to open for any reason until they docked at the Vulcan Spaceport when Sarek's family came to retrieve him.

Sarek was livid. He was alive and apparently healthy while his savior, the little human teacher was injured because of him. He rushed back to her side. He could tell by the state of his cabin that this had been an intense mating cycle. Amanda's body was covered in the telltale signs of their sexual activities. The sheen of perspiration clung to her skin as well as remnants of dried semen and there were bruises everywhere. Marks left by his fingers and even his teeth littered her pale human skin.

Sarek felt sick to think of how he must have used this woman so roughly when she had only sought to help him. A small logical voice in his mind said that this is the Vulcan way and her injuries were of little consequence to him. Yet another voice, a stronger voice said that this was not His way, and not the way of the woman who now lay unconscious in his bunk. His wife.

Bits of memory from the previous days' events crowded Sarek's mind. Amanda had taken care of him even when a doctor, a supposed healer, had declined to render even palliative care. She had chosen a highly illogical path for herself when she chose to stay and nurse him and it had led to her downfall. Sarek could be no less compassionate for the woman who made herself his savior and unwittingly sacrificed her life.

He gathered her limp body in his arms and carried her into his lavatory. There was no bathtub but the room itself could be used as a shower. There were pools of chilled water on the floor and in one corner of the tiny facility there was a melting pile of ice.

She had tried to break his fever. Foolish little thing. Sarek shook his head. His wife had no fever that he could detect so he turned on the shower mechanism and stood with her in his arms as the warm water rained down upon them both cleansing them of the Time.

When Sarek was satisfied with their cleanliness he shut off the water and took her back to the outer room. The bed was a mess. Reluctantly he set her on the floor and hurried to clear the soiled bed linens. Looking around he found a neat stack of clean linens stowed under the bed. He made up the bed with the clean sheets and wrapped Amanda up in another before he hurried to place her back in the bed. He looked around his cabin for her clothing. He found her torn blouse and skirt and he felt instant regret. This was not supposed to happen. He had done Amanda Grayson a great injustice.

Sarek's fever may have broken but it always took a while for him to get his emotions under control after Pon Farr. At that moment, as he held the torn remnants of Amanda's garments he felt shame, sorrow, and anger. Once again he had been forced by his Vulcan nature to do harm to another being. In a rare moment of self-pity, he decried how unfair it all was. Did other Vulcan men feel this way? Was he the only one who cared when the fever took away his agency? Was he alone in his shame? Perhaps not, not when Pon Farr was not even spoken of outside of Vulcan, not when it was taboo to even mention it to other Vulcans. No, his shame must be universal and illogical.

Sarek discarded the damaged clothing in the ship's recycler. He tried to set the cabin to right again. He straightened the tossed furniture and cleaned any traces of the barbaric activities that had taken place just hours ago. Miss Grason still had not awakened but there was nothing he could do except wait and hope she was not badly injured.

When they got to Vulcan he would have the ship captain's head for this, and their medical officer too. They should never have left Miss Grason alone in his company in his condition. It was a travesty. They had fed her to the belly of the beast and didn't even bother to check if she had been consumed.

With the cabin as neat as he could make it, Sarek sat down beside the sleeping woman. His wife, sort of. They had not been bonded by a healer. They had no telepathic link between them. But they had joined physically during Pon Farr so technically they were something more than betrothed. It was less than a true Vulcan marriage bond but they were bonded.

Sarek sighed. What a mess. He did not want another wife, especially not a human one. He looked down at the sleeping woman and studied her face. She was not displeasing to the eye. She was petite and her features were delicate compared to most Vulcan women. Her skin, the areas not marred by healing bruises, was a soft pale pink complexion so different to his own olive hued skin. She was so very human. What was he to do with a human wife?

But he had to keep her. He could not dishonor the woman who had, whether knowingly or not, sacrificed herself for his life. He could not let her walk out of this cabin and face the brewing tempest that was sure to come. He had assaulted an offworlder, he was married to an offworlder. For all that he did not want a wife, he suddenly had one and it was his duty to protect her from the gathering storm. Because there were those on Vulcan who would seek to discredit her for her human ancestry. There were also those in the Federation who would frown upon their union and protest his actions. He had enemies who would likely try to use this... this hasty marriage against him politically.

His family would try to cover up the incident but too many people knew. The passengers of this ship knew. The captain and CMO knew. And Sarek knew. He would never forget what he'd done. He was not only a murder but now he was also a rapist. And he must force his victim to stay by his side; if she survived.

Sarek brushed the tawny-brown-colored curls from her forehead. He took her hand in his. He felt nothing from her, there was no spark of awareness between them, though to be fair, Sarek was hardly a strong telepath. It was the one trait he had not inherited from his mother.

Sarek hoped this earth girl was worth all the trouble he was about to go through to save her. His family would not be pleased with this turn of events. Human/Vulcan relations were still not very strong and interspecies marriages were still unusual. The least he could do was restore her reputation and protect her from his enemies before he set her free. Even if he was destroyed, he would protect her. He owed her for his life, worthless though it may be. Sarek suspected human or not, he was not worthy of her.

Now all he could do was wait for Vulcan and for those doors to open. What else could go wrong until then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started writing this story out of the blue, there is no roadmap. I usually let the characters take me where they want to go. But feel free to leave some comments on what you think should happen next. The characters have minds of their own but they are open to suggestions. 😀


	3. No Fairytale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is still sifting through his parent's memories and what he discovers shatters everything he thought he knew about their lives.

-=-=-=-=-

Amanda hurt. Everywhere. From the tips of her toes to the tip of her nose, she hurt. She was stiff and sore in places she didn't even know a human could be stiff and sore. She shifted around in her bed and froze. She was not in her own bed. She knew the feel of her own sheets and these rough linens were not her sheets. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. And this was not her bedroom. This was not even her home nor any dwelling on Earth. No, she was on a starship.

Memories started to come back to her. She was supposed to chaperone the embassy the students on a trip to Vulcan... Shit! She bolted upright in the bed and instantly regretted it. She was still in the Ambassador's cabin. The lights were dimmed but she could make out his form sitting on the floor in a corner with a small lighted lamp. He must be meditating, she thought. Vulcans were known for their meditating. And she must be dead. There was no way she could have survived what had just happened to her. She felt awful though. Her head was pounding and as she sat in the bed she felt rather dizzy. She couldn't move though, it hurt to shift her muscles just a tiny bit. She stifled a groan that escaped when she finally shifted her legs to the side of the bed.

There was a movement from the other side of the room where the ambassador was meditating. He had stood and was approaching the bed. Amanda felt panic rush through her but she couldn't run. So she screamed. 

"Miss Grayson," Sarek said calmly and stopped in his tracks. "Please, I mean you no harm."

Amanda cried openly. "Stay away from me!"

"I am sorry, I cannot. I must attend to you."

"No! Stay back!" She scrambled in the bed and perched herself in a crouching defensive position. And what good was that going to do? Was she going to attack the ambassador? Defend herself against his attack?  
She laughed hysterically. Yeah right, she had tried that and failed. He had taken what he wanted from her. What he needed from her. The doctor had tried to warn her but she hadn't listened. She never listened. 

Amanda cried. This was all her fault. She was locked in this cabin with this madman because she has thought she could save him. She thought she was better than these aliens and their wicked ways. Ha! Who was going to save her?

"Miss Grayson! Please do not harm yourself further--" Sarek reached out towards her.

"Stay away from me!" she pleaded.

Sarek looked stricken. "I...I apologize," he said and he took a step back. "I realize I have done you a great disservice--"

Disservice? Amanda couldn't believe her ears. This motherf--  
"Disservice!" Amanda screamed. "You RAPED me!"

Sarek winced and bowed his head. He dropped to his knees in front of her. "I beg your pardon. I know I have..." he took a deep breath. "hurt you--" 

Amanda cut him off. "You hurt me? Say what you did. You raped me!"

"I raped you," Sarek said. "I raped you and I am very sorry for it." Sarek's voice broke and he began to shiver. Amanda sat crouched on the bed and she stared at him. She didn't know what to do. He seemed... himself more or less. Less actually. She observed that he was sniffling. He was crying!

"Are you crying?" she asked in disbelief. "I'm the one who should be crying you son of a bitch!"

Sarek did not say anything to that. He just kneeled there crying and soon Amanda was crying again too. 

"Why did you do this to me?" she asked eventually after the two of them had sat in their spots for a while.

"I never...I never meant to hurt you. I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am for what has happened. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I locked myself in my cabin so I would not endanger anyone..."

And I broke in, Amanda thought. "I was worried about you. I thought you were ill," she said as an excuse. 

"I was ill. But there was nothing you or anyone could do," he explained. "You should not have been here. They should not have locked you in here with me. Still, it is my fault." The last he said more to himself.

"I told the doctor to lock me in. Well, I refused to leave," she confessed. "I couldn't leave you here to die all alone. You didn't deserve that. Or so I thought..." She wasn't so sure now.

"Miss Grayson you do not know what you have done or what it means to me. I was dying and your... your sacrifice is not unappreciated. I live only because of you."

"What are you talking about? Why did this all happen? What kind of illness could possess a man to do what you did to me! I begged you to stop but you wouldn't stop!" She was crying again. 

"I could not stop nor could you or anyone else stop me. It is the nature of the Vulcan male," Sarek said regaining some of his composure though he still hung his head in shame. "Vulcans are nothing like humans. Vulcan males especially. We are afflicted with a biological drive to mate during a cycle of approximately 7 of your earth years. During our mating cycle, we lose all restraint. We lose all our inhibitions and operate on pure instinct. Perhaps for other races, this would not be a major distinction but for a Vulcan who suppresses his emotions and lives according to logic... it is catastrophic. We become little more than rutting beasts..."

"Well that sucks for you, but why did you attack me?"

"I had no choice. In that state, a man will burn with a fever fueled by powerful hormones until he either mates or he dies trying. A male in Pon Farr doesn't care with whom he mates. If the fever burns for too long we will die. We become desperate for relief. That is why Vulcan men marry as soon as possible, why our parents bond us in childhood; so that we have a willing woman waiting for us when the Time comes."

"But I'm not your woman!"

"You were here! You left yourself vulnerable to me. To the beast within me, you were mine. You are mine,” Sarek said angrily, not able to control the emotions still churning within him. "You are mine!"

-=-=-=-

Spock roused himself from the meditation. He was very upset by what he had witnessed in his father’s memories. His parents had not had a love match. They had not had a 'storybook romance' as his parents had led everyone to believe, far from it. 

Spock was a child of rape. The knowledge devastated him. Just the thought of his precious mother being brutalized by Sarek-- Spock almost lost control of his emotions but he tamped his anger back down. Still, his heart ached for her and the suffering she had endured. 

His sense of self was shaken to the core. Everything he thought and believed about his life and his family was a lie. If his parents did not love one another then where did that leave him? Why did they ever marry and why did they even have him at all? 

There had been many nights during his long life that he longed for the warmth of his mother's embrace. When he lost Jim, and then McCoy, and then one by one watched his friends and colleagues die. He grieved for each and every one of them. But tonight he wondered if there would be anyone to grieve for him when he died. Would anyone even care? 

The one person in all the universe who had loved him unconditionally had not wanted him. As an emotional child, he had often wished he had never been born. Now for the first time, he wondered if his mother wished the same thing. Did she ever really love him at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets me right in the feels, my emotions are compromised. How will Spock live with the memories he has uncovered?


	4. No Good Deed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No good deed goes unpunished. Just ask Amanda Grayson, a human woman who was foolish enough to lend a helping hand to a Vulcan in need.

-=-=-=-=-

"I want to take a bath," Amanda demanded.

"I have already bathed you," Sarek informed her.

"I can bathe myself!" Amanda shouted.

"Of course," Sarek deferred to her wishes. "You are free to use the lavatory and anything else you may have need of. I am at your disposal if you need any assistance."

"I can manage it, thanks," Amanda said. "She gathered up the ends of the sheet wrapped around her toga-style, and inched her way towards the lavatory staying as far away from Sarek as she could. 

She made it into the lavatory and started the shower. She let the water get as hot as she could stand it and then she just let the water pelt against her tender skin. She refused to cry again. In fact, she didn't think she could squeeze out another tear. She was all cried out. Besides, it wouldn't do any good to cry anyway. She had gotten herself into this mess and she needed to get herself out. And to do so she would need all her wits about her. 

She couldn't afford to sit around feeling sorry for herself. Ambassador Sarek was doing enough of that for both of them. The nerve of that bastard! He was feeling sorry for himself because of this Pon Farr business? He had assaulted her and he was feeling sorry for himself? Typical male behavior. 

Amanda shook her head to clear her thoughts. She found a loofah and soap and began to sponge herself off. That brought back memories of the day before. Or was it longer than that? It felt like a million years ago that she broke into Ambassador Sarek's cabin and found him naked and thrashing around in his bed. She had tentatively touched him and his flesh was burning with fever. Foolishly, she ran into this very lavatory looking for something to use to sponge him off in a vain attempt to break his fever. 

She blushed at the memory. She had never seen a naked man before. Well, of course, she had seen one holo-vids of them. But she had never seen one up close and personal per se. And boy, had she gotten an eyeful. Vulcans were not so different than human males. But Sarek was just a bit different she supposed. For all, she knew it was just the normal variation you would find among any population. 

Oh ho was she kidding? Sarek's penis was huge. It was long and thick and had a very tapered tip that resembled a spearhead. She was just a bit ashamed to think about how she had taken great care to sponge that part of him. At the time, she had felt guilty for taking advantage of a sick man. "Ha!" she laughed at her foolishness. Little did she know the hornet's nest that she was poking. 

The whole thing had been surreal. She had locked herself in a cabin with a naked Vulcan. One who was easily twice her size, and according to the rumors as powerful as 10 men combined. What did she think would happen? Just because he was a Vulcan she thought she could tempt fate. 

No! She was not going to go down that path. What happened was not her fault. She didn't ask for this! She had no idea what would happen when she agreed to stay behind and nurse Sarek. She was naive to think she could save him singlehandedly. She thought she was some superhero to the rescue. She'd nurse him, pull him through his fever, and he would be so grateful he would... What? 

It didn't matter anymore. She got more than she ever bargained for. She had bitten off way more than she could swallow. 

The water was beginning to cool and soon she would probably run out of this cabin's allotment. She hurried to rinse off the soap and shut off the shower. She found a towel that didn't look used and dried herself off. Everywhere she dragged the towel against her skin was marred by a bruise. She shut her eyes tight at the memory of how she got them. 

At first, Sarek was helpless in his bed. She had received her request for ice and included in the delivery was a liquid gel pack that she could either heat or cool as needed. She placed the chilled gel pack on his head to try to keep his brain cool. She was no Florence Nightengale but she thought that was what she was supposed to do. Fever was dangerous to the brain right?

She continued to sponge him off. He was a very handsome man. His skin was so smooth, he hardly had any body hair, except for a dusting on his chest. His nether region was quite smooth too. Did he remove his hair or were Vulcans just naturally hairless? Perhaps she had lingered too long sponging his penis because it was very erect to the point it looked painful and the tip was weeping. 

It couldn't hurt to touch it could it? It was right there, after all, standing at attention practically waving at her. The man was sick, she thought. Surely it wouldn't hurt to give him a hand?

Very slowly she reached out and grabbed his cock which was as smooth and soft as it looked. "Amanda Grayson, what are you doing!" She admonished herself. This was so wrong. But now that she had a hold of him she noticed he seemed to calm down a bit. He wasn't thrashing about so much and his breathing seemed to even out. She didn't know why she was doing it, but she felt compelled to touch him, to rub and tug and stroke him. Something in her mind told her she couldn't stop, that he needed this. She was doing a good deed. "Please don't stop," the voice in her head pleaded. 

And she didn't stop. Amanda kept rubbing and squeezing and stroking the hard flesh. Sarek moaned in his sleep and his hips flexed to the rhythm of her ministrations and he whimpered. "It's ok." She said to him. "I've got you. You'll be fine." She didn't know why she was reassuring him but she felt he needed the encouragement. 

"That's it... come on..." she cooed when his body began to tense and strain. "Come on," she whispered, and he did. Sarek's cock erupted in her hands and hot liquid spilled over her fingers. 

The ambassador lay on his bunk calm and still, his penis slowly deflating in her hands and Amanda suddenly realized what she was doing. She looked down and couldn't believe her eyes. Did she just jerk off the ambassador from Vulcan? What the hell?

She jumped up from the bed and washed her hands in the basin she used to sponge Sarek off and then she started pacing. Girl, what is wrong with you? Was she sick too? Was this illness catching? Why had she just done that? It was as if she couldn't control herself. 

She looked down at the sleeping man. Did he somehow make her do that? She'd heard rumors about Vulcans and their psychic abilities. The more she thought about it the worse she felt. Holy hell, she was trapped in this cabin with a mind-controlling alien!

She ran to the door. Maybe the quarantine hadn't been enabled yet. She tried the release mechanism. Nothing happened. It was locked from the outside! She pressed the emergency intercom button. 

"Hello! Hello is anyone there? This is Amanda Grayson, I'm locked in Ambassador Sarek's cabin. Can someone come and let me out, please!"

"Communications to this cabin are disabled. Medical override required for quarantine condition red," the disembodied computer voice calmly informed her. 

"Shit!" She kicked the door. "Let me out of here!" She yelled. But there was nobody out there to hear her. She was on her own. Trapped like a rat in a cage that also housed a giant cat. A cat with a very large penis. 

"Fuck my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene reminds me of the movie Young Frankenstein where Dr. Frankenstein asked to be locked in with his creation and no matter what his colleagues were not to open the door.


	5. Truce?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a rambling chapter because I've lost the plot. Amanda and Sarek come to an uneasy truce.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Perhaps Spock was a glutton for punishment. Perhaps his obsessive personality and his inability to let go of a mystery had brought him to the catacombs beneath the Romulus capital. He had arranged for access to Romulan's massive database of information which had been collected by their extensive spy network and currently being housed at the bureau of information. The Romulans kept meticulous records of their federation surveillance and Spock had carte blanche access thanks to his informants.

Spock quickly found the information he was looking for. The starship Providence. The Earth starship that transported Sarek and Amanda to Vulcan on their fateful voyage. 

Somehow, the Romulans had access to logs of various Federation Starships including the Providence. And as luck would have it, the captain of the Providence had cataloged a great deal of the events that occurred after Spock's parents were quarantined together. 

With the fragments of memories he had obtained from Captain Picard, Spock was able to piece together more of the events that led to his parent's marriage and his birth. 

-=-=-=-=-

"Where is Amanda Grayson?!" the headmistress of the embassy school all but shouted.

The Captain of the Earth Starcruiser Providence, currently on course for Vulcan Prime, held his head in his hand and sighed. He was getting too old for this. He had junior officers who were supposed to deal with these demands. But his CMO has made a royal mess of things and now it was left for the captain to clean up. 

"My CMO Dr. Xavier has already told you where she is. Miss Grayson volunteered to care for Ambassador Sarek in his private quarters for the duration of his illness. Due to his quarantine status, she has to stay in the cabin with him until we reach Vulcan," the captain said for the umpteenth time to the headmistress. 

"That is unacceptable. Miss Grayson is my employee and under my protection. I assure you I take my responsibilities very seriously and I take my orders directly from the Federation embassy school on Earth. We demand that you release Miss Grayson to us immediately," the administrator said.

"And I have told you, we can not break the quarantine for any reason except for an extreme emergency. The ship would have to be severely damaged and on orders to abandon ship. Those doors are programmed to stay locked for everyone's protection for a reason. To protect the health and safety of everyone aboard."

"Your chief medical officer has the final authority to override the quarantine. You have to release her immediately. She has no medical training and no business in that cabin. One of your own personnel should be caring for the Ambassador, not a schoolteacher."

"Madam, nothing short of a command directly from the Federation chief of medicine and sciences will override that quarantine. If you have such a strong desire to have your teacher released I suggest you contact him. But until I receive such orders from the Federation, Amanda Grayson will remain quarantined in that cabin with the Ambassador." 

The captain released his bated breath when the headmistress stormed out of his office without another word. That one was going to be trouble. He could feel it in his bones. Amanda Grayson was turning out to be the biggest troublemaker in the history of his captaincy. God only knew what she was doing to that poor ambassador right now. 

-=-=-=-=-

Amanda had refused to sleep in Sarek's bunk when he offered it to her. Instead, She made a pallet on the floor as far away from him as she could get which meant sleeping near the cabin door. She had finally settled down on that cold hard floor after hours of tossing and turning and trying to find a comfortable position when she heard Sarek thrashing in the bed and groaning.

My god! Not again! This couldn't be happening again. There was nowhere in the cabin she could run to escape Sarek if he were in the throws of this Pon Farr thing again. The lavatory door didn't have a locking mechanism. 

Her heart pounded with fear but Sarek remained in his bunk. Suddenly, he cried out and spoke strange Vulcan words. She realized he was having a nightmare. 

Amanda sighed. This man was a real piece of work. She was the one who should be having nightmares. Here she was struggling to relax and get some sleep while he was able to fall asleep like a baby. She wished she spoke Vulcan better so that she could know what he was saying. She did make out the word 'No' spoken in Vulcan and 'Stop'. "Ri!. Kroykah!" he screamed. 

She got up from her little nest and crept over to his bunk. She had to wake him, there was no way she could relax while he was carrying on like this. No matter how crazy this day had been she needed to get some sleep. Her body needed rest in order to heal. She was loathed to touch him but there was no other choice after calling his name several times yielded no results. 

"Sarek," She poked him quickly. "Sarek!" she said more forcefully and jabbed his ribs. 

"No!" he cried out in Vulcan again. 

She placed one knee up on the bunk very carefully and grabbed his shoulders in order to shake him. Before she knew what was happening she herself was grabbed around the waist and somehow Sarek had maneuvered her onto her back in his bunk. She looked up into his devilish face but she was too stunned at the attack to even scream. 

Sarek had Amanda pinned down in the bunk and he hovered above her breathing heavily for several moments. He seemed to slowly come to his senses and he asked, "Miss Grayson?"

Amanda had half a mind to get sassy and ask who else it could be? Had he captured any other human women recently? But she held her tongue. She dared not antagonize his 'beast' as he called it so she merely nodded. 

"I beg your pardon, Miss Grayson," Sarek said as he released her and backed up off the bed. "I do not know what is happening," he said.

Amanda sat up. "You were having a bad dream, a nightmare." 

"Vulcans do not dream," Sarek said automatically. 

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Well, whatever you Vulcans call it, you were having one. You cried out in your sleep. You said 'Kroykah!' and some other Vulcan words I couldn't understand. I think you said 'riyeht-stau' or something like that. What does it mean?" Amanda asked letting her curiosity get the better of her and forgetting she was still in Sarek's bunk. 

"It means nothing," Sarek said even though he was visibly shaken. He stood up straight and walked away, pacing the floor. "You may sleep in the bunk Miss Grayson, I will take the floor," he said finally.

"No! I'd rather take the floor. Don't bother being chivalrous now."

"I am not being chivalrous. I am being logical. I will not sleep peacefully as long as the hormones are still affecting my mind and my control. I will meditate, which I cannot do in bed. Therefore you should take the bed and I will meditate on the floor." 

Well, Amanda couldn't argue his logic but she would do it anyway. She did not want to sleep in Sarek's bunk and give him any ideas. She still did not trust this pon farr thing. She understood it when he explained it to her, but the longer she thought about it the more ridiculous it became. There was no way an entire race of people could suffer such an affliction of such magnitude with nobody in the entire Federation having knowledge of it? 

And yet that Andorian CMO seemed to be aware of it and took it serious enough to quarantine Amanda and Sarek together indefinitely.

"Look, I need to get some sleep. I'm sore and I'm tired and I can't settle down with your prowling around this cabin like a caged tiger."

"I apologize Miss Grayson." Sarek stopped pacing and stood in the center of the room looking around. "What can I do to alleviate your discomfort?" 

"Open the door and let me out?"

"Miss Grayson, if I could I would release you, but it is beyond my ability." What he could never divulge to her was his determination that he would never release her. 

"Well then, is there anything in this room we could use to tie you up so that you couldn't escape the bonds?"

Again Sarek thought he was already inescapably bound. "No, there is not."

"Well, at least you're honest."

"Vulcans do not lie."

"Mmm-hmm, that explains why nobody knows about this pon farr mating disease. Either you're lying or the rest of the federation is." 

"There is another option."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Amanda asked. She was now propped up in the bed with her hand resting on her hand.

Sarek noted that as long as they were talking she was less inclined to fear him. 

"That we Vulcanians know how to keep our affairs private when warranted."

"Lies and secrets; secrets and lies. It's all the same to me." 

"Secrets have a habit of being exposed." 

"How have Vulcans managed to keep this incredible secret for all this time then?"

"It is not spoken of even among other Vulcans. It is a thing no offworlder would know of. No offworlder has been allowed onto our world without strict supervision in generations. And those who know are either sworn to secrecy or made to keep it secret." Sarek informed her.

"How does Vulcan make someone keep their secrets?"

"Logically."

"I bet. I don't know how I'm supposed to live in this room with you for the next who knows how long. We're practically strangers. We're nothing to one another--"

"You are my wife."

"I am not, and pleas stop saying that. You're not making this any easier for me you know? I am trying not to hate you. I'm trying to understand you and your illness." 

"I want nothing more than for you to understand me." 

"Well then tell me something that will help me. Who are you really? Why did you have to do this? Why did this happen to me? What happens now?"

"I have explained it to you. It is the affliction. There is a timebomb in the DNA of every Vulcan male including myself and when it detonates no one is safe in my company except she who is my woman."

"But I am not your woman!"

"But you are! Were it not so, I would have done more than claim your body. If the beast within me had rejected you, had seen you as a threat, or a worse a rival I would have killed you." 

"Gee, that makes me feel so safe now." 

"It should. That you still live is a testament to my... regard for you."

"I don't feel safe around you. I know that bothers you but I cannot help it. I can't control my emotions as you can. You hurt me, you attacked me and you violated me and I cannot forget that. I wish I could be logical and accept it, just turn it all off and look at the world with a poker face but I can't. I'm only human!" 

"I have already told you how much I regret my actions. If I could change your reality I would. I do not want to be this way and I do not want to hurt you or frighten you. If it was within my power I would help you to forget your fear, but it is beyond my abilities." Sarek paced the room again. "If Sybok was here he could accomplish it with little effort," Sarek said more to himself.

"Who is Sybok?" Amanda asked. 

"Sybok? He is my son," Sarek said still pacing. 

"You have a son?"

"Yes."

Amanda was genuinely surprised and curious. "Tell me about him! How old is he?" she asked eagerly.

"He is approximately 29 of your earth years." He seemed to calm down and stood at attention with his hands behind his back. 

"What!? He's older than me! And you, you hardly look a day over 30 yourself. How could you possibly have a 29-year-old son? How old are you?"

"I am approximately 64 earth years."

"64!" Amanda exclaimed! "You're nearly 3 times my age. You look so young..." her voice faded. 

"Vulcan's have a longer lifespan than humans and therefore we age more slowly. We are approximately the same age proportionately."

"So you have a full-grown son?" Amanda was still astonished.

"He thinks he is full-grown," Sarek said sardonically. 

"Spoken like a true parent. What's he like? Where is he?" Amanda asked with extreme excitement. She loved children, any children, even full-grown Vulcan children. 

Sarek was quiet a long time. Finally, he spoke, "I do not know where my son is. He left home some years ago." 

"Oh." Well, that was a bummer. "Do you mind if I ask what happened?"

"It is of little consequence if I 'mind', you have already asked," Sarek said in his way. 

"But to answer your inquiry, Sybok was... Sybok is an extraordinary young man. He possesses unique telepathic abilities that far exceed my own. He has a psionic gift that is rare even among Vulcanians." Settling into his subject, Sarek relaxed and sat in the cabins only chair. 

"Sybok can touch a mind without physical contact. He can glean your inner thoughts and emotions with a glance." A bit of pride escaped Sarek's control much to his dismay.

"Such talent is deemed dangerous and therefore frowned upon in Vulcan society. When he was younger, I counseled Sybok to conceal his abilities and he disagreed with my assessment. We clashed often over his behavior. He became increasingly rebellious and defiant."

"He sounds like a typical teenager," Amanda offered. 

"He was not typical, not even for a Vulcan. He eschewed the teachings of Surak, he stopped practicing the disciplines, he allowed himself to emote!" Sarek said getting worked up with the memories of the last disagreements he and Sybok had. 

"I'm sorry I brought it up," Amanda said.

"No. It is I who should apologize for losing control. I am still not quite myself. And the thought of Sybok often stirs up unwelcome emotion."

"Apology is not necessary. You are a parent. I cannot imagine not knowing where my child is. We may argue with the people we love but it is only because we love them so much and we worry about them. Kids and parents often clash, even on Earth, but at the end of the day you still love one another."

"Vulcan's do not love."

"Vulcans don't lie. Vulcans don't love. What do you Vulcans do for fun?"

"Vulcans do not have 'fun' either."

Amanda thew up her hands, "I give up! How could you not love your own son?"

"It is as humans say, complicated."

"Loving your kid is not complicated. It should be unconditional. My parents don't like that I'm a teacher. They think I'm wasting my life. But they still love me, even when I disappoint them."

"I do not believe you could ever be a disappointment," Sarek said sincerely. 

"You don't know my parents. They're your age actually." Amanda grinned. "I bet they would really get a kick out of you. You're their ideal. They value success and they would probably approve of your machiavellian ways."

"I will take that as a compliment and I am honored."

"You shouldn't be. If a woman compares you to her parents it is not an honor."

"Do you not hold your parents in high esteem?"

"Does your kid hold you in high esteem?"

"Noted," Sarek said. 

Amanda yawned and her eyelids felt super heavy but she still found it difficult to relax. "I wish Sybok was here too, I'm so tired I would probably let him mind-meld me. I just want to go to sleep."

"Then sleep."

"I can't."

"Because of me?" Sarek asked.

"Yes. It's hard to explain. I don't think you can understand."

"I cannot share your pain but I do understand trauma. On Vulcan, we share thoughts and believe a shared hardship becomes halved. Would you allow me to help you?"

"How can you help me? Do you mean mind-melding me?"

"No, that requires touch and I do not think you would acquiesce. But I can help you with your fear."

"I told you, I am not like you. I cannot be logical and control my emotions. I don't think you are still dangerous but I can't make myself believe it. Do you understand that?"

"I do understand. But you do not need logic to be in control of your emotions. You can control your fear. You only lack training. I could teach you," he offered. 

"You can teach me to control fear?" she asked with skepticism. 

"Yes. It is not magic nor logic. It is learned behavior."

"Well, I'm an illogical human who is filled with emotion."

"You could learn to be less so. It would be my honor to instruct you."

"Why?

"Why?" Sarek repeated her question with confusion.

"Yeah, why? What's in it for you?"

Sarek thought to himself that she was in it for him but he had the good sense not to say it to her. It would take time and effort to persuade her over to his side. For now, he would need to be as honest as he could with her without frightening her away. 

"Your wellbeing is a matter of great importance to me," Sarek said in answer to her question. "As my consort, at least until we can make other arrangements," he hastened to add when he saw her gearing up for an objection, "you will face many obstacles and a great deal of hostility from both Vulcan and Earth. I would share this hardship with you." 

"Why would I face hostility? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You are correct, you have committed no offense. However, you have been locked in this cabin with an unmarried male for approximately 4 of your solar earth days. You accurately stated we were strangers. We were neither acquainted with nor betrothed to one another before our er... hasty bonding. There will be those in the Federation that will hold it against you. And as illogical and unfair as it is, as a human and a female you will receive the brunt of that hostility.  
Interspecies relationships are unfortunately frowned upon and in some quarters openly discouraged. You will be labeled a traitor by some humans."

"I can't believe that. We humans have overcome our xenophobic past."

"I wish it were not so but I think you will be disappointed with humanity. And though it is not forbidden for a Vulcan to marry an offworlder, it is neither encouraged nor celebrated. Some of my fellow Vulcanians hold the illogical position that offworlders may be used for pon farr, out of necessity, but not bonded. 

"Used?" Amanda asked. She didn't like the sound of that. "You mean like a whore?"

Sarek's face bore a moue of distaste. "It is an unfortunate sentiment."

"Unfortunate huh? Well, news flash, I'm not a fucking whore!" She yelled at him. 

Sarek remained calm at her outburst. "Forgive me, I meant no offense. And no, you are not, you are my wife."

"I'm not your wife! I'm not your woman, I'm not your consort, I'm not even your fucking friend!" 

"Amanda--" Sarek started at her outburst.

"You don't even know me well enough to call me that! This is insane! I would ask you to pinch me to prove I'm not dreaming but you've already fucked me so--"

"Miss Grayson please, there is no need for profanity."

"Are you serious? You object to my using profanity? Profanity!! After what you've done you bastard!"

Sarek hung his head. "I beg your pardon, Miss Grayson. I admit I do not know what I am doing. I am out of my element." 

"You, the great Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan don't know what you're doing? Maybe you should pinch me. This is truly Bizzaro World if you don't know what you're doing and you claim I'm somehow married to you!" Amanda laughed without any humor. 

"Indeed? Perhaps you should pinch me as well." Sarek said. 

"Yeah, don't tempt me. If I got my hands on you I'd probably try to strangle you." 

"I would allow it if it would ease your distress."

"Okay, that's weird. How about we make a deal? You stop feeling sorry for yourself and I will stop plotting to kill you while we sleep."

"I thought you could not sleep?"

"I can dream, even without sleep."

"Then your terms are acceptable," Sarek said.

"Well, what do you know? I'm a diplomat." Amanda yawned again. "Look I'm exhausted. I need to sleep and I don't want to lay here waiting for you to jump on top of me. What do you have to do to teach me your techniques?" Amanda asked.

"We will meditate," Spock said.

"Great," Amanda said with little enthusiasm. “And you claim Vulcans don’t have fun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan Language Dictionary  
> Kroykah = stop immediately  
> Ri = No  
> Riyeht-stau = to kill / murder kill


	6. By the Time We Get to Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Sarek convince Amanda not to hate or fear him by the time they get to Vulcan? Only time will tell.

-=-=-=-=-

Amanda felt as if she were in a lunatic asylum. She was trapped in a very spartan ship cabin with a menacing alien; well as menacing as a post-Pon Far Vulcan could get anyway.

"I suppose if you really wanted to get to know someone intimately you’d lock yourself in a room with them for a few days huh?" Amanda complained as she prowled around the cabin like a restless cat.

"I beg your pardon?" Sarek asked from his corner where he was seated cross-legged and looking up from an asenoi flame. 

"How long have we been cooped up here together in this crucible?" Amanda asked.

"I do not know what you mean," Sarek said.

"We’re trapped Sarek! Usually, when something like this happens people work together to escape, that is if they want to escape." She looked at him with suspicion. 

"There is no escape," he said calmly.

"Yeah right, I noticed. But then we haven’t really tried, have we?"

"What would you suggest we try?" He extinguished his flame and focused his attention on her.

"You’re the Vulcan with all the brainpower, what do you suggest?"

"I suggest that we sit in quiet meditation and await our release." 

"Pshaw, you’re no fun." She went back to her prowling.

Sarek raised a brow to this statement. "We have established that." 

"I mean really! When people are in similar situations even enemies will put their differences aside and join forces for the greater good."

"What is the greater good in this situation?"

"Getting me outta here!" She said and pouted with her arms crossed over her chest. 

"Miss Grayson, if I could I would facilitate your release."

"I know, I know. I’m just being pissy. I’m bored." 

"That is unfortunate. We Vulcans do not get bored."

"Yeah, I figured as much with all the fun you're having over there meditating."

"Meditation is essential to a Vulcan’s continued emotional stability."

"Is that so? What happens if you skip it?"

"I do not 'skip' it."

"But what happens if you do?"

"I would rectify the failure immediately," Sarek prevaricated. 

Amanda sighed. "You’re a Vulcan, right?"

Again Sarek raised his brow at the obvious question.

"What I’m trying to express in my feeble human manner is that you are supposed to be strong; stronger than 10 men put together."

"That is an exaggeration." 

"Ok, but you’re much stronger than the average human?"

"Yes." 

Amanda clapped her hands loudly and rubbed them together in excitement. "OK! So let’s muscle our way out of here." She went to the door to examine it. 

"I have already tried to open the door with my 'superior' Vulcan strength," Sarek said as he watched Amanda try prying the door open herself. 

"And?" she huffed with strain.

"And here we remain."

Amanda kicked the door. 

"That is a most unproductive behavior," Sarek admonished.

"Great! So what other tricks do you have up your sleeves?"

"I have no tricks."

"Sure you do, you’re a telepath. Can’t you send a message to the doc and persuade him to open the door?"

"I cannot. I have explained my limited telepathic abilities. Not even Sybok could do that." 

"Mmm-hmm. Are you sure you can't read minds?" She asked suddenly changing the subject.

"Vulcans are touch-telepaths. I require skin to skin contact in order to touch a mind."

"When I was um...helping you..." Amanda hesitated.

"Yes?" Sarek asked.

"I felt you in my mind, at least I think it was you. No, it couldn't have been my idea." She shook her head in denial.

"What did you feel?" He asked suddenly very interested in her uncomfortable body language.

"Something, some voice compelled me to do something..." she answered very vaguely. 

"What did it compel you to do?" Sarek asked extremely curious about her discomfort. 

Amanda took a deep calming breath the way Sarek had instructed her to do during her meditation lessons.

"I felt compelled to touch you," she admitted.

"Indeed?" was all he offered not wanting her to stop talking. 

"Yes, it just didn't feel like it was my own idea. I can't explain it." 

Sarek nodded his head in understanding though he did not understand at all. "I was out of my mind with the fever. I could not have influenced you in any way." 

"You say you don't have the ability to do it but how do you explain what I did?"

"I do not know what you did. Please specify?"

"I told you I touched you!" Amanda said and Sarek suspected she was not forthcoming with the entire truth. He had his own secrets so she should be allowed to keep hers, he thought. 

"Very well. I suppose it is possible during Pon Farr for my mind touching abilities to increase in strength. My biochemistry was in overdrive. It is possible that my mind reached out to yours in desperation, especially if you were perceived as my bonded mate. Normally a male will call out telepathically to his bond mate even over great distances for relief and reassurance." 

"Oh," she sounded disappointed, then she shouted, "Oh shit!"

"Miss Grayson, what is amiss now?" Sarek asked surprised by her sudden outburst. 

"Your wife! What about her, Sybok's mother?" She looked very concerned about his so-called wife. 

"I have no wife save you," Sarek told her. 

"What do you mean you have no wife? You said every Vulcan male has a bond-mate waiting for him so he doesn't go crazy. So where is yours?" She demanded.

"I had none." He answered succinctly.

"Why not, what happened to her? What's so different about you that you don't have one?"

Sarek sighed. He didn't want to tell Amanda the unpleasant details of his so-called divorce. "She who was my wife decided she wanted to be free to pursue her own life goals, separate from me." 

"So she divorced you?" Amanda asked, her eyes hooded with suspicion. 

"In a manner of speaking."

"You talk in riddles, you know that? What manner of speaking? Where is your wife Mister?"

"You are my wife," Sarek informed her. 

Amanda picked up the nearest object she could grab and hurled it at him. Luckily it was a small decorative pillow which he deftly caught. 

"I am not your wife so why do you keep saying that?!"

"It is a truth that must be acknowledged. When those doors open we will be in Vulcan space and you will be considered mine." 

"Not by me. Don't I have any say in any of this?"

"It is an unfortunate fact that you made a choice when you entered the quarters of an unbonded male. You have catered to me and served me of your own free will. That is tantamount to an official declaration of intentions. In a sense, you claimed me."

"I am not a Vulcan. I had no idea that helping you would bond us in any way!"

"You are an embassy employee, it is presumed you had multicultural training on such customs." 

"I'm a teacher, not a diplomat. I never thought I would need that training for anything important. Besides I'm willing to bet that there is nothing in that training about your pon farr."

"Nevertheless, facts are facts. We have mated and coupled as a bonded pair--"

"We did not! Look I'm willing to admit we both did some... things but that doesn't make us married. This isn't the dark ages. You don't get married just because you accidentally slept with someone!" She yelled in frustration.

"Miss Grayson, please calm yourself."

"Don't tell me to calm myself! You don't seem bothered by this at all. Don't you care that you've been married against your will? We're from different worlds, literally!"

Sarek thought about that. Pon Farr was a humiliation that he could not control. He felt like a puppet controlled by the whims of his hormones and the females of his world who had the power to destroy him with their rejection. He had been raised to accept Pon Farr as a part of his life, as a necessary, however unpleasant part. He had done so many ugly things against his will due to his biology. So what hardship was it to be married to an alien female? Sarek finally answered Amanda, "No." 

"Sarek, think! You're the ambassador to Earth. You can't be married to me. I'm a nobody."

"That is incorrect, you are my wife and therefore you are someone of great import."

"Do you enjoy pissing me off?" She asked with undisguised anger.

"I feel no pleasure in anything. I only convey to you the facts." 

"Look Sarek, I know you don't like crude indelicate language, but let me give you some 'facts'. We fucked! It was a mistake. Let's try to get past it and move on with our lives. Separately. Isn't that what all this meditation is all about? Getting over what happened logically? I'm trying. I'm trying not to blame you for your biology. I am trying not to hate you for what you did, but if you keep insisting that we are married I won't be held responsible for what I do to you."

Sarek did not know why, it as highly illogical, but he found her anger to be pleasing. If she was angry with him then she was not afraid of him and this pleased him very much. He did not want her to fear him. He wanted her to accept their bonded state, and to do that she must first become used to him in her life. He did not know how much longer they would be confined together but in that time he had to make some headway into becoming a part of her life. It was simply a matter of time, but time always seemed to work against him. 

asenoi = meditation fire pot


	7. Who Are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With nothing left to do but talk, Sarek and Amanda learn more about one another, but can you really ever know another person? Does the truth set you free or bind you even more?

-=-=-=-=-

"Sarek"

Sarek took a deep calming breath before he answered his wife. "Yes, Miss Grayson?"

"Ooh, I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you?"

"I was meditating," he said as that should be answer enough. 

"I gathered. But have I annoyed you?"

"Annoyance is a human concept."

"Surely Vulcans can be annoyed? Don't you ever feel irritated?"

"I suppose even Vulcans can experience a certain degree of unwelcome stimulation that could be construed as what you call annoyance."

Amanda grinned. "Well, that was a mouthful of words to simply say yes."

"It was an accurate assessment of the facts. I am not annoyed and rarely experience such negative reactions to unwelcome stimulus."

"Are you sure? I am almost certain that when I was practicing my yoga earlier that you experienced a certain degree of ... unwelcome stimulation," Amanda said coyly. 

"Miss Grayson, why did you call for my attention?" Sarek understood she was intentionally trying to provoke a negative emotional response from him. 

"Hmm, oh I've forgotten." Amanda was resting on the bed flat on her stomach and for the past half hour, she had been studiously watching Sarek meditate with her head propped up on her hands. "But now that I have your attention, has it occurred to you that you are boring?"

"No Miss Grayson that has not occurred to me." 

"Well, you are. Boring. I am locked in a room with a boring Vulcan."

"I beg your pardon?" 

"Don't beg. How about you try being less boring." 

"And how would I go about that?"

"Entertain me," Amanda commanded.

"I beg your pardon, Miss Grayson?" Sarek asked, his eyes raised in surprise.

"Entertain me. I am technically your guest, albeit a reluctant one. It is traditional for a guest to be entertained by the host. And since we are stuck in here without access to the outside world these four walls are beginning to close in on me. This is tantamount to torture." 

"I understand it is unpleasant for you to be here, but torture Miss Grayson?"

"Yes, torture." She defended her words. "Humans have needs Ambassador." 

"Indeed?" Sarek said. He was aware of certain human needs but he was almost certain she was not referring to those. 

"Yes. I need stimulation or else my mind will start to look for distractions. I'll start to hallucinate or something, it won't be pretty, Ambassador."

"I see. And how would you propose that I entertain you? I have already taught you to meditate but you didn't seem to take to it."

"Meditation is boring," she said with some annoyance of her own. 

"I disagree, performed properly meditation can be quite therapeutic." 

"Be that as it may, I don't like it. I need to do something. I need to move or something, I am not the 'sit around' type."

Sarek had observed that she was also not the 'keep quiet' type but he kept his own counsel.

"Do you have a data Padd?" She asked disturbing his private thoughts.

"Yes of course."

"Cool! Why didn't you say so before? You've been holding out on me." 

"You didn't ask me before."

"Well, where is it? Hand it over?"

"It contains classified materials for my diplomatic duties." 

"And that's it? Just work stuff?"

"Yes."

"Don't you have any personal documents or programs?"

"Such as?"

"Such as books, music, videos, games?"

"No. It contains my diplomatic files and of course a copy of the works of Surak."

"Surak?" She asked, the name unfamiliar to her.

"Yes, Surak is the father of modern Vulcan. He paved the way to enlightenment through logic and led Vulcan out of its dark ages." 

"Oh, is he like your um, prophet? Are his works your sacred texts or something?" 

"Surak is not a prophet and his teachings are not sacred but they are valued by my people." 

"Hmm. I'm not religious. After so much has happened in Earth's history I take a dim view of the traditional organized religions. After the first contact, many people abandoned them altogether." 

"Vulcan also had a period of religion and superstition. There are still those who practice the ancient ways and observe the old beliefs. We look to the past to preserve the future." 

"What does that mean?"

"It means that we should not forget where we have come from, the evolution of thought is as important as the evolution of our bodies." 

"I suppose. Humans are still rather superstitious though. There are new religions popping up every day. A lot of people distrust modern science and technology, especially because of the Eugenics Wars. Some are looking for an escape from what they call the false utopia. There is a new movement of people looking for the planet Eden. They think this new Eden will be the true utopia." 

"Eden? I am not familiar with that world." Sarek said. 

"That's because it doesn't exist. It's a mythical concept really. Eden was the garden that Adam and Eve lived in before the fall of man. Eve ate the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge and she persuaded Adam to partake as well. For their crimes they were expelled by God from the garden of Eden, the supposed perfect paradise we humans originated from." 

"It is ironic that your religious beliefs admonish knowledge and wisdom and actually seems to encourage ignorance," Sarek observed.

"You think so? That's the history of humanity in a nutshell, ignorance. We keep making the same mistakes over and over. I suppose we are just programmed to be weak that way."

"I do not believe humanity is weak. I have studied your history and you are a remarkable people. You have survived your dark ages and each time you have come out of it stronger, not weaker. Some may eschew knowledge but there is an equal number who seek it out and strive to make humanity better. Your Zefram Cochrane was a man of knowledge and his work on the warp drive engine brought humanity to the attention of the Vulcans and the galaxy. Now just a few generations later and Earth is a founding member of the Federation. Even Vulcan had not accomplished so much in so short a time."

Amanda preened at the compliment to humanity. "Zefram Cochrane was a genius and a pioneer and a great man. I'm just a school teacher." She said with self-deprecation. 

"Miss Grayson, I have heard you express that sentiment before. You are not 'just a schoolteacher'. Teachers are among the most essential professionals in society. It is a great honor to serve and be considered a teacher on Vulcan. I have observed you with your pupils and they are being enriched by your tutelage." 

"Thank you, Sarek. But I'm just teaching them the basics. I am not a professor or anything, not like you." 

"Me?"

"Yes, I read that you were a professor at the esteemed Vulcan science academy."

Sarek was pleased that Amanda knew so much about him. She most certainly was not 'just a schoolteacher'. She had sparked some insightful conversations in her own unique way. She was very inquisitive and her breadth of knowledge was refreshing for one so young and impressionable. He was thrilled at the thought that he would introduce her to so many new things. His homeworld, and then the galaxy. He would relish seeing things through her innocent human eyes. 

"Sarek, don't you think you Vulcans are going about this whole Pan Farr thing the wrong way?" She asked out of the blue.

"Pon Farr," he corrected her a bit acerbically. "And in what way are we wrong?"

"Well, don't you think having sex only once every seven years creates a dangerous buildup of um... energy? Perhaps the pressure builds up and then it explodes. Poosh!" she made an explosive sound and even used graphic hand gestures to demonstrate.

"That is not factual in any sense." 

"Oh no?"

"No. To begin with, we Vulcans do not have sex only once every seven years. Even if we were to engage in sexual congress only during the Time, we can last several days," he said hoping that settled the subject of Pon Farr once and for all. 

"So how often do you have sex?" She asked not to be deterred from a good subject.

Sarek would have sputtered had he not been in control of his emotions. "That is a personal and private question Miss Grayson." 

"Sarek we're locked in here with nothing better to do than talk to one another. And need I remind you, we've had sex. Together." She gestured her hand between the two of them.

"No Miss Grayson you do not need to remind me of my transgressions against you." He said tightly, valiantly trying to maintain his control.

"Look, I'm not accusing you of any transgressions, we both know what happened and why. As you like to say, it is a fact. I'm just trying to have a conversation. We're in this situation together, we have to work through it together for better or for worse. I think the least you could do is tell me something about you and your people. Your secrets are what got us into this mess in the first place."

Sarek bowed his head in defeat. "I suppose that is logical," he conceded. 

"Damn straight." She nodded agreeing with herself. "So. How often do you have sex?"

"Miss Grayson!" Sarek said finally showing frustration.

"Sarek!" She countered. "You owe me something, it's the least you can do."

With a long-suffering sigh, he contemplated his predicament. This curious woman for all intents and purposes was his wife, though she had yet to accept it. Still, he could not bring himself to be so open with such a subject. Humans were so indiscrete. What did it matter how often he had sex?

"Ok, I see how it is," She said with a sad note to her voice that disturbed him more than it should have. 

"Indeed? And what do you 'see'?" he asked against his better more logical judgment.

"You're not getting any. That explains things," she said confidently. 

"Not getting any what?" he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

"Duh, sex. Like I said you're sitting over there all uptight and bottled up, meditating, and look at what happened. You're like one of those incels or something." 

"Miss Grayson, Pon Farr is a biological necessity, the intensity of which is not determined by previous sexual experience or frequency," he said affronted. 

"Is that so? So before your pon farr when was the last time you had sex?"

This woman! "Why are you so concerned about my sexual activities?"

"I think I have a right to know after what's happened!" She shouted. 

They stared at each other in a standoff for several tense moments. "Very well," Sarek said finally and nodded. 

"Well?"

"Technically, the last time I had sex, was during the Pon Farr," he answered. 

Amanda rolled her eyes. "And before that?"

Sarek was silent for a long time. He was not eager to admit this fact. "It was during my previous Pon Farr, the one before she who was my wife challenged me. 14 years ago." He said softly.

"Damn! I knew it. So you haven't had sex in 14 years?" She asked in awe.

"That is what I said." 

Amanda nodded as if she understood something. "But wait, you said your wife challenged you? And your last Pon Farr would have been seven years ago?"

"Yes."

"What happened then? Why was it 14 years and not 7 years since you last had sex?" 

Sarek did not want to discuss his failed marriage nor his disastrous Pon Farr. But Amanda said she had a right to know about the man she was bound to and he agreed. She must learn of him in order to live with him.

"During my last Pon Farr, I was challenged by she who was my wife, and I was compelled by tradition to fight for the right to... bond. I was the victor of the challenge and I exercised my right by repudiating my wife. The combat satiated the fever," he recited the events as succinctly as possible.

"What?" Amanda asked in confusion. And then again when his words started to make some sense she said, "What!"

-=-=-=-=-

Spock felt Amanda's shock and disgust when she discovered the truth about Sarek's first wife. Spock had never known the full story of Sybok's mother before the mind-meld with Captain Picard. He had known she was a Vulcan princess and that she left Sybok in Sarek's care to become a priestess at Gol. But as a child, Spock had had his own mother to worry about and he cared not for anything that happened so long ago to some woman he did not know.

It was now crystal clear that his father had not parted from Sybok's mother amicably nor voluntarily. She who was Sybok's mother had challenged his father when he was his most vulnerable. Just as T'Pring had challenged Spock when he was most vulnerable. Vulcan women were logical often to a fault. What better time to sever a relationship with a man than when he could do nothing about it except fight and kill or die trying? 

Sarek had not died when his wife had challenged him so therefore he must have killed, just as Spock once believed that he himself had killed. But Spock had had his good friends there as his witnesses during his Kun et Kalifee and they had spared him the necessity of murder. Spock knew his father had no such comrades. On Vulcan, such a thing as Jim and Bones had done would be unthinkable and dishonorable. 

So Sarek had been forced by his uncontrollable biology to kill or be killed and he had been the victor. For Sarek and Spock, it was an unfortunate reality of Vulcan biology and society. To Amanda, it was yet another disgusting display of Vulcan cultural idiosyncrasies. Amanda was trapped with a strange alien being who had killed, one who easily could have killed her during his mating fever. Sarek of Vulcans was not the gentle, logical, benign diplomat she had believed him to be. All the illusions that Amanda harbored about Vulcans were shattered. If Vulcans were not the perfect benevolent aliens they pretended to be then who the hell are they?


	8. The Lottery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Sarek's secrets out in the open Amanda has to face reality.

-=-=-=-=-=-

After Sarek's confession, Amanda didn't feel up to hearing anymore. She didn't ask any further question and she sat in stunned silence. The world she thought she knew had just been tossed upside down. 

Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan had killed a man? All kinds of crazy thoughts swirled through her mind. She tried to imagine the incident though she knew damn little about Vulcan people or the planet itself. She only knew Sarek and the other Vulcan diplomats she'd seen at the embassy. She realized she knew nothing about them at all except the perfect front the presented. The mask of perfect Vulcan dignity they all wore like a shield. Meanwhile underneath, they were all this mass of conflicting emotions and passions? Vulcan men were walking ticking sex timebombs and apparently the women of Vulcan were cold calculating cunts. 

Amanda didn't know why, but she was no more afraid of Sarek after learning that he had killed a man than she was before. She knew he was capable of it. He had told her so himself when he explained the Pon Farr. That it stripped him of all logic and decency and rendered him little more than a rutting beast. He had told her that she was lucky he had not killed her in his fevered delusions. At the time she thought he was being hyperbolic but in the back of her mind, she must have believed it. He had ravished her after all. 

But still, she was not afraid knowing that he had killed. He was not the first man to kill someone. Humans did it all the time for all different reasons. Their laws even allowed for it, often deemed murder as justifiable homicide. If you killed in self-defense or defense of your family or during the course of war then it was just your duty. 

Sarek had been faced with a kill or be killed situation and he had killed. Good for him. She'd like to think she would have done the same thing in his position. Faced down death and defeat it rather than be defeated. 

But she was human and most of the galaxy already thought of Terrans as bloodthirsty barbarians. Their literature and popular entertainment were littered with examples of their preference for violence. Starfleet was supposedly just another example of Terran's warlike ways and thirst for conquest. Amanda sighed. 

This reminded her of a story she was forced to read in school as a girl. The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. A town of normal-seeming people who all got together once a year to kill off one of their own citizens. Everyone in the town drew lots in a lottery and the 'winner' was stoned to death by the other townspeople. It was a community murder for the good of the town. Everyone was involved equally and therefore everyone equally guilty. 

And that was the Vulcan culture when it came to Pon Farr. Everyone played their role in keeping it secret from offworlders. Everyone played their role in allowing it to continue unchanged for untold generations. Everyone was guilty of letting men fight and die for sex and therefore no one was. Pon Farr was the same damn thing as community sacrifice. 

And Sarek? Sarek was not the villain in this tale. He clearly had not wanted to kill. He just couldn't go against the status quo. He had a wife and a child and he had assumed his wife would support him when the time came. But she chose to betray him during his time of need. She had gambled on her champion prevailing and killing Sarek but she had lost that bet and so had Sarek and the poor sap his wife got killed. Sarek could have still used his wife and slacked his lust with her and then repudiated her. But he had not done so. He put her aside immediately, so great was his disgust for her and for what he had done because of her decision. Sarek's wife was as guilty as he was if not more so. 

As these thoughts about Sarek and how wife swirled around and around in Amanda's head, she hadn't realized that their traditional roles had reversed. Normally she sat and stared at Sarek while he meditated but today with her mind so preoccupied, Sarek sat quietly looking at her as she hashed out their dilemma in her mind. 

She didn't know he as looking for any sign that she feared him, wondering if she would run out of the cabin screaming bloody murder as soon as those doors opened. He did not want her to hate or fear him for what he was and what he had done, but he thought by telling her the truth about himself he had consigned himself to a life of misery. He was not expecting the words that came out of her mouth next.

"I like to think you killed a man. It's the Romantic in me," Amanda blurted out suddenly.

"I beg your pardon, Miss Grayson?" Sarek said stifling down the horror her words evoked.

"Its a line from a movie called 'Casablanca'. Are you familiar with it?"

"No, I am not. I did not have time to acquaint myself with much of your entertainment while on Earth. However, I notice that you quote from literature and film often. You seem well versed."

"I do. It's how I think I guess. I relate something that is happening to me with something I've seen or read in a book or movie. And this experience is definitely something that should be a book or movie someday. Maybe someday I'll write my memoirs. I'll call it, 'I accidentally mated an alien' or something like that." She mused. 

Sarek was surprised by her words. She seemed to be taking his revelation in stride. Perhaps all was not lost...

Amanda continued. "You did what you had to do I suppose. I am sorry I pried. I'm a nosey busybody and it's gotten me into more trouble than its worth." 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You have every right to know what you have gotten yourself into, as you say. Death by challenge happens, not very often but it is always a possibility during the Time. I regret those events very much but I cannot undo them." 

"Well, I think it's awful. I told you, you Vulcans are doing this Pon Farr thing all wrong. Do you know I bet there are women out there who would love nothing more than to cater to a Vulcan male during his time of need?" 

"What do you mean?"

"You know, like well-paid ladies. Or mail order brides even. Satisfaction guaranteed." 

Sarek found the whole idea distasteful. "You mean prostitution? You were very displeased when you thought I had used you thusly," he reminded her. 

"But its different if the women want to do it, isn't it?" She asked as if Sarek had all the answers.

"I do not know. I would not want to know." He dismissed the idea. The thought of paying a woman for what should be freely given unnerved him. Pon Farr was more than just sex, it was a joining of bodies and minds. When it was right, the bond lasted for life. 

Amanda cut into his thoughts. "So you'd let yourself be at the mercy of some heartless logical bitch who could decide she doesn't want you anymore and force you to... nevermind its none of my business," she said and turned away from him in the pretense of making up the bed. 

"It is your business. In this matter, I am your business. On my next Time you will have to decide whether I live or die."

"No, I won't. Why would I have to decide?" She asked looking up from her task.

Sarek was silent. 

"Sarek?" Amanda pressed.

"Amanda, you are not pleased when I tell you and I do not want to displease you."

"Tell me what?"

"You are my wife. My savior, my life."

He was correct, she was not pleased. Amanda looked around for something to throw but there was nothing within reach. "I warned you I won't be held responsible for my actions if you keep saying such nonsense." 

"It is not nonsense. It is the truth. Vulcans marry by bonding during the Time." 

"But you said we are not bonded! That we have to have some telepathic connection. We just slept together Sarek. It can be undone before your next Time." 

"I do not want to undo it!" Sarek finally confessed. 

"What? Why the hell not?" Amanda demanded. As predicted she looked very displeased.

Sarek stared at her stubbornly. "You are my wife."

Amanda gathered up the blanket on the bed into a bundle and then she screamed into it, muffling the sound of her frustration.

"Miss Grayson, please. I do not wish to trouble you further." 

Amanda looked up at Sarek. "Are you serious? Trouble me? Mister, you've ruined my life! I can't be married to you. I don't want to be married to you. Why would you want to be married to me, a plain ordinary human? I'm nothing! I'm nobody special, just an idiot who locked herself in the room with a sick alien!"

"Please desist from saying negative things about yourself. I have already told you. You are important to me. You sacrificed yourself in service to me and to a Vulcan it is the most honorable thing you could ever do. You nursed me when no one else would or could. You brought me through the Time safely. You made the ultimate sacrifice for me whether you knew it or not. To use a quote from your own literature, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." You are an extraordinary human Amanda Grayson." 

Amanda stared at him in disbelief for a long time and finally, she sang, "Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes..." She sang the lyrics to an old Earth song and then she finished by yelling, "Wake up Mister! You would be better off marrying a whore." 

"Amanda! Cease this. It becomes clear to me as we spend time together that you would greatly benefit from marriage to me as much as I would benefit from marriage to you. You are a special human and I appreciate our differences but I believe we can overcome them. You have understood and accepted my alien nature even when I have no right to ask for either. I believe we will suite one another. It is logical." 

"You are out of your Vulcan mind," Amanda accused. "We are strangers. We have absolutely nothing in common and we do not suite one another."

"Perhaps. Perhaps I have finally come to my senses. As you say, we Vulcans are going about this all wrong. Fate or should I say The Providence has brought us together Miss Grayson. It is illogical to fight the inevitable." 

"It wasn't fate, it was foolishness, and if you continue to talk like this when those doors open they'll be carrying you out wearing a straight jacket." 

"What is a straight jacket?"

"Its a device used in mental facilities back in the dark days of Earth's history when we didn't have very good mental health care. They tie your arms behind your back in some inescapable contraption so that you can't be a danger to yourself or others."

"It sounds utterly barbaric," Sarek told her. 

"You're one to talk, your people wrote the book on crazy traditions." she countered. "Sarek, what if I told you I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man alive?"

"I would say you were being illogical. If I were the last man alive and there were any other women available, you would be a very fortunate Earth woman to have me to yourself." With that, he closed his eyes and started the deep breathing patterns she came to recognize as the first phase of his meditations. 

That Son of a Bitch! she thought as she watched him. To think she was planning on offering her forgiveness and understanding to him after his confession and yet somehow he had turned this thing all around. Like she should be grateful he wanted to keep her as a wife?

"Ha! Fat chance!" She huffed as she covered her head with the blanket. Amanda felt like she had drawn the slip of paper with the winning mark in the lottery. The one that meant she was to offer herself up for slaughter for the good of the people. 

"Providence my ass!" She said as she tried to settle down to sleep.

-=-=-=-=-

"Greater love hath no man ... (John 15:13) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm as sick of this ship's cabin as Amanda is. The next stop is the planet Vulcan aka home.


	9. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Providence arrives at Vulcan but the journey isn't over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan Language
> 
> ko-mekh = Mother  
> Ozh'esta = Vulcan kiss, finger embrace  
> t'sai = Lady, female-specific honorific title

/*/*/*/

Amanda and Sarek had lost all sense of time during their confinement together. They had naturally fallen into a cycle of sleeping about 4 to 6 hours at a stretch about every 18 hours or so. They were in the middle of one of their sleep cycles when Sarek's cabin doors finally opened suddenly.

Sarek was surprised and not very pleased to see his mother standing on the other side of the threshold with an entourage of her attendants in tow. She had a look on her face that the untrained eye could not decipher but after years of earning her disapproval, Sarek knew it immediately. She was most displeased with him and his current circumstance. 

Sarek rushed from his spot on the floor to greet their visitors while Amanda stumbled from the bunk to stand just behind him peeping over his shoulder at their supposed rescuers. Before he could think better of it, Sarek stood aside and summoned her forward, extending his first two fingers to her in the traditional Vulcan ozh'esta, the finger embrace. 

Amanda looked at his beckoning hand and of course, she ignored it. She stepped forward to stand silently beside him though, which Sarek considered a minor victory in itself. 

"Ko-mekh," Sarek began speaking in his native tongue. "It is agreeable to see you and I am honored that you have had the forethought to bring our family healer with you to ensure the wellbeing of myself and my consort." Sarek nodded to the members of his mother's entourage. "May I present to you my new bride and your new daughter Miss Amanda Grayson of Terra?"

Sarek spoke the words with a confidence he did not feel. He knew his mother would not readily accept this turn of events. But in front of so many witnesses, she was not in a position to lose face by rejecting them outright. She stared at Sarek with her inscrutable eyes and his confidence wavered a bit more. He took Amanda by the wrist and then lowered himself to kneel in front of his family, guiding Amanda to do the same. 

Amanda didn't know what was happening. She had awakened to see that the cabin doors were finally open, but instead of the joy she was supposed to feel, she felt only dread. She didn't speak or understand Vulcan very well but she could just pick out a few words of Sarek's speech, 'Mother' and 'Wife' chiefly among them, and it didn't make her feel very secure or any less afraid. 

When the old lady blocking their exit didn't speak or move and just stood there staring back and forth between her and Sarek, Amanda felt there was trouble brewing. So when Sarek pulled her down to kneel she followed him down without a fight and bowed her head as Sarek was doing. 

"Sarek, you claim this human as thy consort?" his mother finally spoke.

"Yes, Ko-mekh" Sarek said.

"When thou art already promised to another?" She asked with a clipped voice.

"I made no such commitment, Mother." 

"Your parents wisely made the commitment for thee as is our custom."

"With respect Mother, I an not a child. I am capable of choosing my own consort." 

"Are you indeed? You allowed thyself to enter the fires without a WILLING consort waiting," T'Pau pointedly looked at Amanda. "Thy choice is neither logical nor sufficient."

"I believe the contrary, my choice is both logical and sufficient to the cause of my continued wellbeing," Sarek said looking back up to his mother. "Miss Grayson graciously volunteered to assist me when she saw that I was suffering. Is it not in the teachings of Surak himself to ease suffering when you find it? Miss Grayson refused to leave my side and offered herself as a helpmate, in order to secure my safety and wellbeing. No Vulcan consort could have done a better job.” Sarek said defiantly, “As you can see I have survived my Time unscathed and well." 

"Are thee truly well? I believe thee have taken leave of thy senses to present me with a human as thy wife." 

"Nevertheless, she is mine. You may examine us to corroborate my claim." Sarek was pushing it he knew, but he could not leave this cabin without legal grounds to keep Amanda at his side. If she were allowed to go her separate way he knew he would never have a chance to claim her as his. And over the course of the journey with Amanda, he discovered he very much wanted her to be his wife. 

Amanda did not understand the confrontation that was happening right before her very eyes and Sarek was thankful that she did not speak or understand Vulcan yet. One protest from her and this would all be over. He was certain his mother would be only too pleased to release Amanda from their custody. 

His mother approached him, not the healer and she outstretched her hand to him. "You will submit," she warned him. 

Sarek had no objection to her examination and he nodded his consent. 

T'pau probed his face with her fingertips finding his psi points and she then plunged into his mind with no preamble. 

Sarek exercised his calming techniques while his mother invaded his mind. There was no way to block her for she was a superior telepath, and even if he could block her, it would be of no use, he needed her to see his mind to verify his health and acknowledge that he had successfully mated and cured his fever. 

After a short while, T'Pau removed her fingers and her presence was gone. Much to his shame, he let out a relieved sigh. But T'Pau took no notice of his lapse, she turned her attention to Amanda next.

"Amanda," Sarek said in his most calming manner.

"Yes, Sarek?" Amanda said with a shaken voice. 

"Please allow my mother to assess the state of your health?" he said.

"How?" She asked never taking her eyes from the old woman's face. 

"She wants to touch your mind."

"That's what I thought. And if I refuse?" Amanda asked. 

"If thee refuse then thee are a disobedient wife," T'Pau answered in perfect Earth Standard. 

Amanda was ready to let loose a smart comeback at that arrogant pronouncement when Sarek squeezed her wrist and practically shouted in her mind, "Do not!"

The sensation of hearing his voice in her head for the first time left Amanda feeling disoriented and she could not protest when the old lady reached out and touched her face. T'Pau's fingers were cool as they touched Amanda's skin but the tension in Sarek's hand which was still holding her wrist distracted her from recoiling in fear. Why was Sarek so worried about his mother probing her mind?

T'Pau examined the girl and detected no physical injuries or mental shortcomings. She also noted that there was the beginnings of a pair bond between the two but not at the sufficient strength of a marital bond, not yet at least.

She released the girl and stepped back. This was an absolute disaster. Sarek had been promised to another consort, one who's clan held great power and whose political influence stretched far. Now, technically, he was bonded to this Terran girl. A nobody. An accident. The result of male folly.

T'Pau was not a misandrist, she thought males just as capable and equal to females in all matters except one. The Pon Farr. The time that robbed males of all logic and common sense and rendered them a slave to their libidos. Sarek was a perfect example of what could go wrong when you allowed your sons too much freedom. Unlike a daughter, a son was vulnerable to his biology and not just during the Time. It was illogical to rail against the fates, what was done was done. Now she had to fix this mess and try to salvage the plans she and Skon had made for their eldest son. 

T'pau spoke at last. "You are not married," She said. "I detect no marital bond, only a weak acquaintance bond exists."

"You could perform the procedure now," Sarek said. "You could bond us." 

"No. I will not join thee. You will not bond with this girl. She is not of Vulcan and not a worthy successor to the house of S'chn T'gai." 

"Mother, you dishonor me and your new daughter. She has served me as a dutiful wife and is indeed worthy of my clan and titles. As the ambassador to Earth, you sent me to learn about Terran culture and habits so that our two worlds could grow closer and form stronger ties. There is no stronger tie than that of family. Amanda is my wife and therefore my family and I will have no other," Sarek said stubbornly. 

"This child!" T'Pau thought bitterly. He was always a willful one who would twist logic to suit his needs and desires. Perhaps she had been too lenient with Sarek in his youth, allowed him too much freedom and was too forgiving of his lapses in logic. Now she was paying the price, but T'Pau was not having it today. "Heed me Sarek, now is not the time for rebellion. T'Wyn will stay and gather your belongings and you will accompany me to our home. I suggest you say goodbye to your... bedmate and bid her peace and long life for you will not see her again. And do not test me on this. You will accompany me home as an adult or I will have you subdued and drag you back as a misbehaving child, the choice is yours." 

Sarek was livid. How dare she? He was no misbehaving child! He was a grown man who had raised a child of his own and who had a wife! He was an experienced diplomat and the current ambassador to Earth. He did not come along home like an obedient sehlat. 

"Mother," he said tightly while trying hard to maintain his emotional control. "With all due respect. I will not leave my wife behind. My consort has been in my care for the past few days without medical attention and she should be examined by a physician." He looked to the healer his mother had brought along. "One with experience treating offworlders," he said pointedly. He desperately needed to buy some time and he knew his T'Pau's healer would do her bidding. "I fear I may not have been as gentle as one would wish during our Joining." He finished this speech by bowing his head respectfully as if he had not just admonished his mother in front of her attendants. 

Amanda kneeled beside Sarek in silence while taking in the scene. She could not understand what they were saying, but she gathered Sarek's mother was not too pleased with him right now. It would be comical to witness the mighty Ambassador fighting with his Mum if it were not happening in front of her and if it were not clearly a fight about her. For once in her life, she wisely chose to keep her mouth shut and not butt in as she watched the battle of wills play out before her. 

"Sarek, you are clearly still suffering ill effects from the Time. You are not thinking logically. What would you do with a human wife? Is she to head your household? Raise your children? Do you think you are the first to try mating one of them? The humans have a saying, "a fish and a bird may marry but where will they build their nest?" T'Pau asked him.

"Vulcans and Humans appear compatible, perhaps you are able to copulate with them, but that compatibility is only physical my son. It is only skin deep. She will never belong to our world, she will never be able to adapt to our ways. And thee would not be content to live your life in exile on Earth or some other Federation outpost suitable for Humans. You belong here and she belongs on Earth, it is as simple as that." T'pau explained as if Sarek were still an ignorant child. 

"Life is never simple Mother. She is my wife. I choose her even if we were brought together by happenstance. I choose her and I will have her if I have to live on Earth to do so." Sarek said defiantly. 

"You desire this female." T'Pau accused. "I saw it clearly in thy mind. But it is of no consequence. You may use her as a consort until you tire of her but she will not be bonded to you. Thou will not bond, it is impossible." 

"Why is it impossible?" Sarek asked. 

"Because I forbid it," T'Pau said with an icy tone as if it was a final decree. 

"I do not recognize your authority to forbid our bonding," Sarek countered. "It is done, Amanda is mine by right of tradition." 

"Sarek?" Amanda tried to interrupt when she heard her name mentioned. But Sarek and T'Pau were in the zone now and were not to be distracted. 

"The only rights you have are the ones I grant you," T'Pau said. "I am your matriarch and the head of the council. What I give, I can also take, Ambassador." T'Pau said stressing his title. 

"You may take my job as is your right, but you cannot take my wife. Not even a matriarch may do that." Sarek said.

"Correct, I cannot take thy wife or force you to part, however, you would find it most difficult to live without a clan," T'Pau said in a thinly veiled threat.

Sarek knew she would threaten him with exile for his disobedience, however, as his mother he knew that was her last resort. He was her heir and she relied on him being in service to the Vulcan embassy to fulfill her plans for the Federation, whatever those plans may be. She was bluffing and he knew it. But now was not the time for this confrontation. Not in front of a growing audience as he spied the ship's Captain and Doctor approaching his door along with the embassy school's headmistress. 

"Mother, perhaps we should discuss this at our home, as you suggested? I am certain the Captain would like for us to vacate this cabin and his ship as quickly as possible?" Sarek said ending his speech when the Captain was within hearing. 

Amanda tugged on the sleave of Sarek's robe again trying to gain his attention. She felt very self-conscious with the doors open wide to all the people accumulating in the ship's hallway. She was dressed in one of Sarek's simple robes as her own clothing had been ruined and she had nothing else to wear. Her attire was fine while they were locked in the cabin alone together, but now strangers were witnessing her wearing a man's clothing, as she emerged from lockdown alone in the cabin with him. Things could not look worse. 

Just as she thought that, she saw the embassy school's headmistress approach with her eyes ablaze and Amanda felt her humiliation was complete. What must the headmistress think of her? What did they tell the children about her absence? They were probably going to fire her for this. She had failed again. Amanda began to panic and hyperventilate. She tugged on Sarek's sleave and called his name but he was busy with his mother. 

She felt the walls close in on her and her vision started to fade to black and she knew nothing else. 

/*/*/*/

"What is wrong with the human?"

The CMO of the Providence looked at the Vulcan faces all focused on him and wished he was anywhere else. They did not pay him enough for this.

"The patient, Miss Amanda Grayson is suffering from dehydration, and shock."

"Shock?" Sarek asked stepping closer to the doctor. 

"Yes, her body is under a great deal of stress. Added to that the mental trauma of a mind-meld," the doctor gave the Vulcans a long evil look which they all ignored, "and she was taxed beyond her limit so she fainted. When I examined her we discovered some anomalies in her blood, there are elevated levels of copper, and increased immune response." 

"What does it mean?" Sarek asked not bothering to conceal his worry. 

"Well, you understand that human blood is iron-based?" asked the doctor.

"Yes, of course, we know this," Sarek said speaking for his family who were all clustered around him and the doctor in the small waiting room of the sickbay.

"And your Vulcan blood is copper-based?" the doctor continued.

"Yes?" the Vulcans looked at him as if he was slow-witted. And the CMO felt a bit out of his element. He was surrounded by Vulcans who probably knew more about both Vulcan and Human anatomy than he did.

"I have never known anything like this to happen spontaneously." He continued, "I had my suspicions so I ran a few tests and it seems the young lady has conceived." He finished his speech not looking at any one Vulcan in particular. 

"Conceived?" Sarek repeated barely concealing his inner emotions. He was in a bit of shock himself now. 

"That is impossible," T'Pau said. "Humans and Vulcans are incompatible." 

"With respect T'sai T'Pau, that is not precisely correct. We have discovered that Humans and Vulcans and many of the races in the Federation are in fact compatible on a genetic level. Scientists theorize that--"

"I care not for thy theories," T'Pau cut in. "Are you certain that the seed she harbors is Vulcan?"

"With 99% certainty. The embryo is in the earliest stages and Miss Grayson has been quarantined with Ambassador Sarek for the past 7 days. It is most certainly his doing," The doctor said placing the blame squarely where it belonged. 

T'pau said nothing for several moments and it looked to Sarek that she may have reached her breaking point. Surak, help him! However, she finally spoke with her usual authority. 

"You honor us, Doctor, with thy discretion. I trust this news goes no further than this room?"

"Of course, I maintain doctor-patient privilege."

"Excellent. Prepare my son's... consort for travel to our residence. It is a long journey and I am sure the young human will need medical intervention to remain stable?"

"I will consult the young lady once she awakens. It was necessary to keep her sedated while we purged her system of the excess copper. If she is to carry to full term she will need constant detoxification. I could recommend several healers who specialize in interspecies breeding..." 

"That will not be necessary Doctor, just prepare her. Your services are no longer required," T'Pau said and dismissed him. She turned and walked out of the sickbay, her entourage following close at her heels.

Only Ambassador Sarek remained but he looked overwhelmed. He had not protested anything that councilwoman T'Pau had said. 

The Chief Medical officer didn't like the way things were playing out. What did these Vulcans plan on doing to that young human down on the planet surface? And what if anything could he do to save her?


	10. In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda finds her self trapped between a rock and a hard place. She has to decide the fate of yet another life. What will she decide this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a while since I last posted. I have not abandoned the story, I just ran out of ideas. What will happen next? Who knows. One thing I know for sure is that it will be a surprise :-)

-=-=-=-=-

Amanda slowly awoke to the sound of strange beeping noises and the steady pulsating sound of a biomonitor. She must be in sickbay.  
The last thing she remembered was feeling weak after Sarek's mother had touched her mind. She was so tired of Vulcans having their way with her either physically or mentally. Thank God this journey was over. She was never letting one of those green devils touch her ever again, that was for sure.

She tried to sit up and felt a tug on her arm. She was connected to an old fashioned intravenous drip. She must be dehydrated too. She should have been more careful, these ships were notorious for having dry air. She had been warned about this before volunteering to chaperone the students. 

Speaking of which, she should be getting back to her cabin to pack her things so she could disembark the ship. The students must already be down on the planet surface, she needed to rejoin her group so she could take up her duties again. That is if she still even had a job. She remembered being in Sarek's cabin dressed in his clothing looking as if she had just crawled out of his bed, which technically she had. 

It must be all over the damn ship by now that a teacher had just spent a week in quarantine in Ambassador Sarek's bed. It seemed she had the devil's own luck lately. She looked around for a way to disconnect the iv or at least call for an attendant to disconnect her so she could leave. She was sure she could get her own hydration now that she was awake. Right now she needed off this ship and as far away from Sarek and his mother as she could possibly get. 

Amanda first searched for a call button but found none. She did not see any communication device either so she decided to take matters into her own hands. She gingerly removed the adhesive that was holding the iv needle in place on arm. She absolutely hated the sight of blood, especially her own, but it couldn't be helped. She tried to slowly remove it but it hurt too much so she decided the old bandaid method was best and she ripped it out quickly. 

"Ouch!" she shrieked. "The twenty-third century and they still can't find a better way to hydrate someone?" She tried to kick her legs over the side of the bed when she heard an ear-piercing high pitched alarm sound. The medical equipment was ratting out her escape! She tried to hurry but by the time she got to the door the doctor and an attendant were in the threshold blocking her path. Damn!

"Mrs. Grayson! What are you doing? Please get back into the bed at once," the doctor admonished.

The burly nurse standing beside Dr. Xavier efficiently hustled her back into the med bed and deftly reinserted the drip. 

"Dr. Xavier, I understand your need for caution. I know that as long as I'm on this ship I am your responsibility. So just let me leave and I'll be out of your hair. Surely you can give me some shot or prescription so that I can get out of here?"

"That is out of the question Mrs. Grayson."

"Why is that Dr? Xavier? And it's Miss."

"I beg your pardon Mrs--"

"Miss!" Amanda cut the doctor off. "It's Miss Grayson, not Mrs."

The doctor and the nurse exchanged meaningful looks. "That will be all Nurse. I can handle it from here." Dr. Xavior said.

The nurse exited the room, quickly leaving Amanda and the ship's doctor alone together. 

"Mrs... er... Miss Grayson. You and I need to have a chat."

"A chat? About what doctor?"

"About your medical condition, the reason you are here in my sickbay." 

"I guess I'm dehydrated, aren't I?" A look of confusion clouded Amanda's face. "Or exhausted? I must admit it has been a rough few days." Amanda shook her head trying to clear the remaining fogginess.

"Thanks for allowing me to lock myself in a room with a madman, by the way."

"Miss Grayson, I am deeply sorry about that. I have no excuse except perhaps you had challenged me. I should have forcefully removed you from the situation. I beg your pardon," Xavior said honestly. 

"No, it doesn't matter now. At the time I would have fought you tooth and nail to stay." Amanda laughed bitterly, "I was saving him you see. I was going to save the Ambassador from whatever ailed him with or without your consent. In fact, I probably preferred it if it was without. I wanted to help him that bad and be the hero. I guess I learned my lesson about being kind to strangers, huh? So what is it that we need to chat about Doctor?"

"Miss Grayson, do you know the reason you are here in sickbay?"

"I fainted." 

"Yes, but do you know why?"

"As I said, I assume dehydration and exhaustion." 

"Those are contributing factors, but the main issue is that your body was in shock." 

"Shock? Why? What's wrong with me?"

"Thee is nothing wrong with you per se... Miss Grayson, while locked in quarantine with Ambassador Sarek, did um... did you... did he..." Xavior struggled for his words.

"What Doctor?" Amanda was becoming annoyed. She wanted out of the sickbay and off this ship. And she didn't want to be reminded of anything that happened in that damn cabin! "Look, just spit it out so I can get the hell out of here, will you?"

"Did you and the Ambassador engage in sexual intercourse?" Xavior asked quickly, already knowing the answer. 

Amanda's face froze with tension at the question. She crossed her arms across her chest defensively. "That's none of your business Doctor. And if that is what you want to "chat" about you can just forget it." 

"Miss Grayson, please I want to help you. I must know. Did you or didn't you?" 

"Why! Why must you know? Are you going to undo what he did to me? Do you have a magic potion to make me forget what happened? Make me forget him ripping my clothes and... What? How are you going to help me now Doctor? Now that everything is all said and done? The time to help me was befoe you locked me in that dame room!" Amanda yelled.

"I know," Xavior said hanging his head. "I know I have failed you. I do not want to fail you now. Miss Grayson, the reason you fainted is because you are expecting."

Expecting what? Amanda thought wildly. Surely it couldn't be what she was thinking...

"Expecting?" She said in a shocked whisper.

"Yes, Miss Grayson. You are pregnant." 

Amanda fell back in the bed and closed her eyes. "Shit!"

-=-=-=-=-

"How could something the size of a grain of rice be making me so sick?" Amanda asked the doctor after he explained her condition.

"Your body thinks it is under attack by a foreign body and is having an immune response. The white blood cells need to adapt to the new fetus. We are currently trying to stabilize you and prepare your body to host the embryo. Your blood is based on iron but the embryo will be mixed-race and the blood will be copper-based. Your body is confused at the moment." 

"Oh," was all she could think to say. She didn't understand any of this or why it was happening. 

"But how could something like this happen Doctor? Sarek and I, we are not even the same species? And we only did it the one time... maybe... I think... I don't really remember...that..." her voice faded out when she was forced to think back to that night. 

"Miss Grayson," the Doctor said gently, "I must ask though I know this is a delicate subject... However, if the conception was not consensual you have every right to terminate--"

"No! Don't you dare!" Amanda shouted. "How could you even say something like that to me after all I've been through?" she demanded.

"Miss, you must understand, I am a doctor. You are my patient and you are ill. I must provide you with all the facts in order to facilitate your informed decisions. You need to know all of your options and all the possibilities for any complications that may occur." 

Amanda lay in the biobed in stunned silence. She couldn't believe what was happening to her. Up until now, she had made it through the quarantine with Sarek because she had tried to put the events of that first night behind her, to pretend as if it was an accident, that it was something that happened long ago and far away to someone else. 

Maybe it didn't really happen at all. Maybe this whole thing was a dream and she was in a coma. But it felt real. The monitor on the wall next to her flashing her vital statistics made it real again. The baby growing inside her belly was a stark reminder that the past week was indeed real. 

She couldn't handle this. She wasn't ready for this. This wasn't supposed to happen to her, this happened to other people. Tears slipped past her eyes as she stared at the monitor. She was pregnant! With an alien baby. She was suddenly very afraid. This thing was trying to kill her! Her own body was trying to flush her baby out of her. And she was all alone and far away from home, far away from anyone who could help her. She was at the mercy of this alien doctor and the Vulcans outside the sickbay doors. 

"Doctor, please help me." She pleaded. "I don't know what to do. I didn't know this could happen. Why didn't you tell me this would happen!" she cried. "I want to go home!" 

"Miss Grayson. I am sorry. I could not tell you. There was no way to prepare you. This is a Vulcan matter. The Vulcans do not allow it..." The doctor fumbled for words to explain his behavior. "Anyone who knows of the Pon Far is forbidden... Were I to tell you I could have lost my post. This ship could lose docking rights. The Vulcans have ways of making you obey their requests." He patted her wrist. "I apologize Miss Grayson. I failed you, but I can help you now. I can remove the parasite and the Vulcans will have no hold over you." 

Amanda felt as if ice water had been poured over her and she was chilled to the bone. Never could she willfully destroy a life. It was not in her nature to do so. Saving Sarek's life is what started this whole thing. And this was no mere parasite, this was a baby, her baby. She shook her head no violently. There was no way...

"No! Never! No!" she cried out loud emphatically. 

Sarek rushed into the examination room forcing his way in against the hold of the nurse stationed outside the door. "What goes on here?" he demanded when he saw Amanda crying.

"Ambassador," the doctor said. "I am going to have to ask you to leave. This is a private matter between myself and my patient." 

"Your patient is my wife! I demand to know what you are doing to her."

"No!" Amanda cried, "No!"

-=-=-=-=-

Things were spiraling out of control and Sarek was starting to lose his tightly held grip on his emotions. It was time for him to protect what was his.

T'Pau had already acknowledged Amanda as Sarek's consort in front of witnesses. She had made their relationship official, and knowing T'Pau who did not make mistakes, it had been said intentionally. T'Pau was not just the matriarch of his clan she was also his mother and she still had Sarek's interests first and foremost in her mind. His heir would be protected by the full weight of their family's wealth and power.

Sarek took a deep calming breath and released it slowly, allowing the tension to seep from his body. Amanda as carrying his heir, his offspring, therefore she was clan and though Sarek previously didn't agree with some of the archaic rules and traditions followed on Vulcan, one of those archaic rules finally benefited him. 

Amanda was considered a Vulcan citizen now and would require permission to travel off-world again. She belonged to his world and to his clan and to him. He just had to get her to the planet surface. While still aboard the ship her status as his wife could be questioned and she could choose to leave. 

"Doctor, you heard T'Pau. Prepare my wife for release into my custody."

The doctor looked grim but he had no choice except to comply. They were in Vulcan space, under Vulcan law and authority. He could not attempt to circumvent the law. To defy the head of the Vulcan council would put him and this ship in jeopardy. They could lose docking rights or he could be arrested. No one and nothing had the right to keep a Vulcan man from his wife. Andorians, though no great friend of the Vulcans, knew this and respected it. He had no choice. 

Dr. Xavier looked between the ambassador and Miss Grayson. A more unlikely couple he had never seen. Why the devil did the Ambassador insist on having this woman? She was nothing but a weak and willful pinkskin. Why did she have to save the Ambassador's life?

Amanda looked from Sarek to Doctor Xavier. One alien wanted her to terminate her pregnancy and the other, God only knew what he wanted. Which one did she chose, which one could she trust? 

She looked at Sarek again. He stood there resisting the hold of the large Nure. He looked like an avenging angel ready to destroy all in his path that opposed him. And he was here for her. For them. She placed her hand over her flat belly. He would protect them both. 

"Sarek? Help me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lest anyone think I know anything about science or biology, obviously I do not. So just suspend disbelief and go with the idea that Amanda is pregnant with a baby from a different plant and it occurred naturally and that all this medical mumbo-jumbo works in their reality.


	11. Against the Odds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda is finally going home, just not her home on earth.

/*-/*-/

Sarek was taking Amanda to Vulcan but not to his family's home. He planned to take her to the house he once shared with his son and former wife. He had not lived in the house since Sybok left home but he kept it well maintained because he secretly held out hope that someday Sybok would return and he wanted the boy to have someplace to go. He never imagined he would have a wife and child of his own living there again even though he knew logically that his biology would eventually force him to take another bride. 

And as expected, biology had forced his hand today. T'Pau would be expecting him to deliver Amanda to her house which would give her the advantage in any plans she made for them, but Sarek was thwarting those plans from the start. Amanda was his wife and she would live in his home where he could protect her from any threats, including those from his mother. 

While the other passengers were waiting for their turn to disembark on the transporters, Sarek had arranged for his private shuttle to be delivered to the Providence and so he escorted Amanda to the hanger deck instead. 

Her belongings such as they were, a meager two bags, were already on board and the shuttle was fueled and ready to go. 

"What's going on Sarek? Why are we not transporting down with the other passengers?" Amanda asked as she and Sarek walked briskly down the corridor to the bay doors. 

"The first-class passengers will transport down first." He explained to her. "Since I was in the steerage class we would be last to disembark. I did not want to delay our departure any longer, did you?"

"No, but where are we going?"

"To the hanger. I have a shuttle waiting for us and I will fly us home." 

"Oh. ... is that safe?"

"Of course. I am a licensed pilot." 

"Okay then isn't this cheating?" she asked as she rushed along beside him.

"Cheating what exactly?" he asked as he looked down at her. 

"Cheating the system?"

"The system that prioritizes the transport of the wealthier passengers over the others regardless of need or merit? You were ill Amanda. You required immediate medical assistance just moments ago. You should be home resting as soon as possible. What logic is there for us to delay our departure and wait to beam down with the other passengers? Then when we beam down to the spaceport we will have to wait yet again for transportation to the planet surface. As an ambassador, I have the means to get us home quickly and though I do not take advantage of it often I intend to do so now."

They were silent the rest of the way to the hanger bay but when they reached the shuttle Amanda took one look at the sleek sporty vessel and backed away. She had never flown in anything like it before and she didn't want to now. 

"Sarek, I don't know about this," She hesitated to climb aboard. 

"Do you trust me?" Sarek asked. 

Amanda bit her lip? Did she trust him? He was practically a stranger to her. This whole messed up situation was strange to her. She wanted to go home not get in a private shuttle bound for Vulcan with the man who attacked her and impregnated her. What was she doing here? 

"How far can this thing go?" She asked him instead of answering his question. 

"What do you mean how far?"

"Can it travel back to Earth?"

"No. I do not wish to disappoint you Amanda, but it is for short-range flights only. It could reach some of our neighboring outposts but travel to Earth would take far too much time without warp engines as you well know. We would need to travel by a starship to reach Earth in a timely manner." 

"Then isn't there a starship leaving for the Earth? What about this ship?"

"The Providence will be docked in orbit for an extended period of time for maintenance. The engines are damaged if you recall?"

"Oh yeah." Dammit! 

"Amanda, what is causing your hesitation? Have you changed your mind?"

"I'm scared," she confessed in a quiet voice. 

"You are afraid of flying?" He asked in the most non-threatening tone that he could manage. 

She shook her head, "No. I'm scared of all of this. I'm scared of you, of this planet, of this... this baby. I want to go home!" She cried and big tears fell from her sad frightened eyes causing Sarek's heart to wrench. 

"I am sorry I have endangered your life. I promise I will do everything in my power to rectify the situation and protect you from now on. But first I must take you to my home and have a healer see to your medical needs. We can figure out the rest then. You asked me to help you, Amanda. Please allow me to do so." He held out his hand to her. 

Hesitantly Amanda placed her hand in his and without realizing it she had placed her life in his hands as well.

-=-=-=-=-

Spock roused himself from the trance and looked around his surroundings. He was in his quarters at the underground camp. The room was dark and the air was cold. He got up from his meditation mat and lit a fire in the firepit and then he started preparing a light meal. But his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of his parents even as he tended to the mundane tasks. 

In the trance, he saw their entwined memories as an outside observer, and though at times he wanted to, as the memories unfolded he could not intervene or change the course of their lives. He had the illogical thought that it would be agreeable to step back in time and change things as he once did when he was commander of the Enterprise and he had used the Guardian Of Forever to save his own life. He never understood that incident, but time travel was dangerous under the best of circumstances and also confusing which was why it was strictly prohibited by the Federation now. 

He never understood how or why his past had been altered and I-chaya had died in the desert instead of passing of old age while Spock was away at the academy. It was impossible to know which memories of the past were the true ones and which were the changed timeline. So he wondered if these shadows of things past were real or imagined. 

But if they were imagined why would he imagine such an elaborate and painful vision. Why would he imagine his parents at odds with one another? Why would his mind not manufacture a happy memory for him to feast on?

He ate his meal and then settled down to his real mission, that of educating the rebels and plotting the reunion of Romulus and Vulcan.  
But as he worked on his computer, he couldn't keep himself from calculating the odds of which mission was more likely to succeed, the joining of Romulus and Vulcan or that of Sarek and Amanda Grayson?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay in posting new chapters. If you follow my other stories you know I've got three works in progress going now. What was I thinking starting all these stories without plotting out any of them in advance? One good thing is I don't get writer's block, if I get stuck on one story I start writing for another one. 
> 
> This pandemic cabin fever is getting to me and has me writing like a fiend lately, but rest assured I am determined to finish all these stories. 
> 
> And don't be afraid to comment and let me know what you think should happen next. I need some fresh perspectives now and then :-)


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